And so this is Christmas and what have our politicians done? More importantly, have they been naughty or nice?
It’s probably more of a northern hemisphere cultural contrivance that those who have been naughty are destined to receive only a lump of coal for their dastardly deeds in the preceding 364 days.
Down in the southern hemisphere a lump of coal is the only thing Scott Morrison wants for Christmas. In fact, he wants more than one and what Santa can’t provide, he’s hoping Adani can. The downside is it might cost the rest of us a billion dollars and counting. Scott needs some coal for props in the parliament and others to use as paperweights in his office. He will continue to do so until the black lung kicks in.
Santas take many forms. Even in Australia, Santas vary from outrageously jolly with luxurious thick beards to those wearing crappy polyester bristles with the elastic showing, a cushion wedged up their guts and smelling vaguely of alcohol.
In Japan, where just 1 per cent of the population is Christian, they love santa-san and they think he flies down from the moon every year to hand out gifts, which probably makes more sense than the North Pole.
A solid argument could be made that our federal MPs already have their own type of Santa who flies down on his sled from Beijing. This Santa comes in the form of generous businessmen bearing party donations. The really good thing is he comes more than once a year. In fact, pretty much whenever he likes.
My favourite of all Santas is the Amish type, Belsnickel. Belsnickel is a bad-tempered version of Santa. Dressed in rags, he turns up at your home uninvited, bangs on the front door and demands to know if children have been “impish or admirable”. Like George Christensen he carries a whip but unlike George Christensen, he is not afraid to use it.
I’ve always thought our Santa was too soft. Sure he can terrify very small kids by his sheer size and through the shocking ghastliness of his lurid outfit, but the rest of us can sidle up, leap into his lap and make demands without fear of rejection. Our Santa has to listen. Belsnickel, who looks like and really is a kind of an angry, old homeless guy, does all the talking.
So Belsnickel it is for our federal parliamentarians and have they been impish or admirable?
I’ve been checking the list and I’ve been checking it more than once.
For reasons of space, not every MP getting a gift is listed here because let’s face it, most of them aren’t that interesting.
Sam Dastyari: A job.
Tony Abbott: A job and some dignity.
Malcolm Turnbull: What do you give the amorphous blob that has everything? An endoskeleton, of course.
Bill Shorten: He’s not sure but he’s put in a call to the CFMEU to see what they’d want him to have.
Julie Bishop: She does not want Malcolm’s job. He’s performing well under great difficulty. No, she is quite satisfied with being deputy and foreign minister. Really. Wait. How many Newspolls was that again?
Bob Katter: How can we celebrate Christmas when every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in north Queensland?
Pauline Hanson: Just a card, thanks. In fact, lots of cards. Maybe give James Ashby’s printing business a bell?
Kevin Andrews: I hate to be critical of a person’s appearance but let’s be honest about Kevin. The man looks like Fine Cotton on race day. For Christmas he needs a professional colouring job on that bonce of his. Maybe some blonde tips. Maybe the full Milo.
Adam Bandt: A vegan turkey with all the organic trimmings washed down with lashings of decocoanated cocoa.
George Christensen: Malcolm Turnbull’s head on a stake or he’ll resign. He means it this time. He’s not kidding around anymore.
David Feeney: A real estate portfolio, a map and a passport.
Barnaby Joyce: The Deputy PM’s list didn’t pass the High Court. The good news is he makes a perfect Christmas decoration. Just stand him right next to the tree. No batteries required.
Eric Abetz: A 1962 desk calendar for the Tasmanian senator’s desk. It won’t actually be 1962 but he can close his eyes and pretend. Ah, the good old days.
Cory Bernardi: Nothing. The Liberal Party is his gift and it keeps on giving.
Belsnickel is coming, folks, and unlike Santa, he does not mess around.
This article was published in The Australian 15 December 2017
Says it all really…..
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/notorious-union-boss-joe-mcdonald-given-alp-award/news-story/6541637a79edc1a39973e3feb21c24e6
Oh behave mate, he would have deserved it.
No it doesn’t. This says it all,
http://izquotes.com/quote/222640
completely lost on the lock stepped forelock tugging lackeys with no understanding of the real world or history.
Nice one JB. Except I always get Clarence Darrow mixed up with Clyde Barrow.
Just repeat “A Bonny Barrow, a Bonny Barrow.”
Jean The Baptiste says:
DECEMBER 20, 2017 AT 6:11 AM……MY REPLY RE GEORGE
‘Bookshelves’ Brandis is a disgrace and has been ever since he bribed one of his mates to give him an SC for free! He has never used this SC by the way! A disaster as Attorney for so long now, he is at last being shunted but at great cost to the taxpayer. Just look at his record.
His stoush with East Timor over the Howard government’s spying on that country cost us $16million in the Hague International Court of Justice; his misleading of parliament and subsequent Senate censuring over his dealings with Justice Gleeson who resigned in disgust; his unpopular 18C Bigotry legislation had to be withdrawn; his Jerusalem gaff resulted in Abbott having to call in a conga line of ambassadors to placate them. Brandis’s threat to sue mums and dads for “illegally” downloading something as banal as Days of Our Lives; his data retention laws which he could not recite, had the internet industry and privacy lobby up in arms.
His refurbishing of his office with extravagant taxpayer-funded bookshelves and books was way over the top as was his attendance at Liberal members’ weddings (Soapy Mirabella) paid for by the taxpayers.
His attempt to bribe Gillian Triggs with a gig to get rid of her resulted in a successful Senate censure against him. Then we had his failed attempt at making us believe he had a gift for poetry-so hilarious! His total stuff-up re Monis’s letter which he ignored… ended up in the cafe siege. Has any Attorney General offended so many people in such a short time and been proven so incapable? How incompetent a rectum do you have to be to get the sack from the worst government in this country’s history? And what does he get? Like Hockey, Soapy Mirabella, Peter Hendy and a heap of others who lost their seats at the last election a $300k gig in the Old Dart.
Bassy,
Link re Brandis’ SC?
Is that all you can come up with? Looks like I have done a good job on Rorting Bookshelves Brandid
It’s a hell of an accusation to make against a lawyer Bassy. Probably requires some proof unless you want to lose your house.
you must look like the talking clock bassy
Geez is that all you can come up with after quite a brief on Brandis’s Nose In The Trough record?
Are you seriously that much in awe of lawyers Razor?
Why are we spoiling the UK? From Downer, a foreign relations genius, to Brandis, a Dewey decimal wunderkind. We shouldn’t let this talent leave our shores. Next thing you know B Joyce will get a gig in Bavaria, or thereabouts!
If the British are aware of his credentials as you have so faithfully outlined BASSMAN, and that’s not the half of it, they may see the appointment at best as an insult, or at worst a declaration of war.
At least Downer was taken in jest as a bouffant boofhead, a reciprocal remittance man.
Please add to my list of ‘Brandis’s’. Come on, let us do the Poms a favour. I am thinking of writing letters to the UK newspapers alerting them although as Rupert runs the show I doubt if they would be published!
Wissendorf!
Heres that link.
https://www.armstrongeconomics.com/uncategorized/the-discovery-of-a-new-element/
Jean-Baptiste, PLEASE prefix future offerings of this nature with SBR, in bold, caps and underlined – Strong Bladder Required. I laughed so hard a tiny drop of wee came out. Priceless, and stored for future use!
Apologies. Best to take these things sitting on the throne. Determined retention at a certain age is just asking for compromised structural integrity of tissue.
Thanks JB – have seen it before, as well as the “Administratium” one, but very funny. Or maybe it would be funny if not so true…
As per Wissendorf’s (Wizzendorf’s – sorry, couldn’t help myself?) comment, I recall a boss of mine saying a number of years ago there are three of things one should do when having reached a certain age:
Never trust a fart,
Never walk past a toilet, and,
Never waste an erection.
At least I don’t think I have reached that certain age…
I keep advising me missus on the last one, Trabvitch.
And if you go arse over head, look for something to do while you’re down there. Bending over is a bugger.
When I read about what those poor kids went through ( Unholy Trinity ) those bastards should have been hung and quartered , and the police were as bad as the Church , FFS won’t get that book out of my mind for a long time…
Wiss:
In today’s Age financial section I found an explanation of that asset of yours that seems logical – to me anyway! A box of fruit is sold from person to person at an ever increasing price. Until finally the person who paid $100 for a box of fruit worth $5 decides to open it – and finds the fruit is rotten. When he complains he is told that it was never meant to be eaten, only to he sold. Article ends with “at least your asset won’t rot. It never existed!”
My grandkids might disagree. I gave them the wallet and the key. They now have no HECS debts and change. And it only cost me about eighty bucks. I’m laughing all the way to the non-existent bank! I did some reading on the 17th century tulip rush and posted it in the last thread. Very parallel story.
Hope it pays out for them, Wiss! What a windfall that would be
you greenhorn.
Again JB….I just have to wonder, what the…..???
Longest legs in the world.
Hobart City Council setting a good example.
They are withdrawing investments from all banks who have investment in fossil fuels. So no money in the big four.
What about Gas and coking coal?
Black and white Razor. Bad is bad. Just wait for the solar jumbo jets.
Parachute under the seat? 🛫
Solar chute with a drone attached
I’ll investigate what they’re on about when I get back to Hobart, Razor.
It only made the Hobart Mercury!
Brandis for Blighty! Jesus, that’s really rubbing salt in the wounds. They’ll think twice about sending the Barmy Army next time.
For those who become intoxicated with the thrill of seeing new records set in the opinion polls.
http://www.news.com.au/world/north-america/donald-trumps-approval-sinks-to-new-low-amid-new-tax-plan-americans-feel-will-benefit-the-wealthy/news-story/fcdfa54fb81cc236b079e947e45efbe3
From the look on it’s ugly puss the news isn’t grabbing him.
Year one dear Mr Baptiste FGS sweet lamb. All leaders go down hill in the Polls in their first year. Remember the great John Howard he was nearly wiped out at his first election but went on to record many more wins. You must study up more on Political History fellow, POTUS Trump will romp in the elections in 2020 and go on to record 8 sound years in office. Bless you dear fellow your loathing of anything USA knows no bounds. Cheers
Bloody hell Henry. You’ve been banging like a dunny door in a gale over Turnbull’s negative polls and you come up with an amelioration like that for Trump’s poor popularity.
And you accuse me of loathing anything USA? I’m not responding to the enquiries of the pollsters Henry, American citizens are. They’re loathing Trump, not the USA. Do you see the difference?
For all your fickle foibles you are truly a delight. No, I misspeak, because of all your fickle foibles………
Best wishes.
I read ‘The Art of the Deal’ but as I thought it was a bit like Norman Vincent Peale. Much better, for trying to get a handle on President Trump, and his disdain for popular opinion, is his 14th book, ‘Crippled America’, from 2014. Electioneering at its finest, but definitely worth the read. Recommended, but get a library copy; he doesn’t need the dough.
It appears that if Trump had invested his inheritance in mutuals and gone on permanent holiday he would be richer than he is now.
April 12, 1861; Oct. 28, 1929; Dec. 7, 1941; Nov. 22, 1963; Sept. 11, 2001 and Nov. 8, 2016.
So, I see that Turdball has loaded his new cabinet with bug “C” conservatives, the member for Cubbie Station put in charge of the hen house and Darren Chester sacked by Barnyard for his SSM support.
Does anybody still think that Turdball is a moderate being held hostage by the right wing of his party? He’s had you conned, he is John Howard in a leather jacket. Wake up.
If he was John Howard this country would be a hell of a lot better off. We can only wish.
Really? What’s left to sell? Howard was a disaster, man up, pull on some boots and enter the real world.
Hear hear again JB. Howard wasted a decade of progress and held the nation back just like this version of the coalition cons another wasted decade and probably even worse for the future of this Nation.
Agree Razor. One of the best. The days when politics was more or less civil.
Hopefully that won’t bring the hit squad down on me 😁 it’s becoming quite interesting.
Barking mad the lot of you.
Woof woof…
Woof woof!
And apropos of nothing, here is a marvellous concert from Sean Lennon (son of John and Yoko and a surprisingly talented guitarist and singer) and Les Claypool of Primus fame. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cajrnY_fGDk