And so this is Christmas and what have our politicians done? More importantly, have they been naughty or nice?
It’s probably more of a northern hemisphere cultural contrivance that those who have been naughty are destined to receive only a lump of coal for their dastardly deeds in the preceding 364 days.
Down in the southern hemisphere a lump of coal is the only thing Scott Morrison wants for Christmas. In fact, he wants more than one and what Santa can’t provide, he’s hoping Adani can. The downside is it might cost the rest of us a billion dollars and counting. Scott needs some coal for props in the parliament and others to use as paperweights in his office. He will continue to do so until the black lung kicks in.
Santas take many forms. Even in Australia, Santas vary from outrageously jolly with luxurious thick beards to those wearing crappy polyester bristles with the elastic showing, a cushion wedged up their guts and smelling vaguely of alcohol.
In Japan, where just 1 per cent of the population is Christian, they love santa-san and they think he flies down from the moon every year to hand out gifts, which probably makes more sense than the North Pole.
A solid argument could be made that our federal MPs already have their own type of Santa who flies down on his sled from Beijing. This Santa comes in the form of generous businessmen bearing party donations. The really good thing is he comes more than once a year. In fact, pretty much whenever he likes.
My favourite of all Santas is the Amish type, Belsnickel. Belsnickel is a bad-tempered version of Santa. Dressed in rags, he turns up at your home uninvited, bangs on the front door and demands to know if children have been “impish or admirable”. Like George Christensen he carries a whip but unlike George Christensen, he is not afraid to use it.
I’ve always thought our Santa was too soft. Sure he can terrify very small kids by his sheer size and through the shocking ghastliness of his lurid outfit, but the rest of us can sidle up, leap into his lap and make demands without fear of rejection. Our Santa has to listen. Belsnickel, who looks like and really is a kind of an angry, old homeless guy, does all the talking.
So Belsnickel it is for our federal parliamentarians and have they been impish or admirable?
I’ve been checking the list and I’ve been checking it more than once.
For reasons of space, not every MP getting a gift is listed here because let’s face it, most of them aren’t that interesting.
Sam Dastyari: A job.
Tony Abbott: A job and some dignity.
Malcolm Turnbull: What do you give the amorphous blob that has everything? An endoskeleton, of course.
Bill Shorten: He’s not sure but he’s put in a call to the CFMEU to see what they’d want him to have.
Julie Bishop: She does not want Malcolm’s job. He’s performing well under great difficulty. No, she is quite satisfied with being deputy and foreign minister. Really. Wait. How many Newspolls was that again?
Bob Katter: How can we celebrate Christmas when every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in north Queensland?
Pauline Hanson: Just a card, thanks. In fact, lots of cards. Maybe give James Ashby’s printing business a bell?
Kevin Andrews: I hate to be critical of a person’s appearance but let’s be honest about Kevin. The man looks like Fine Cotton on race day. For Christmas he needs a professional colouring job on that bonce of his. Maybe some blonde tips. Maybe the full Milo.
Adam Bandt: A vegan turkey with all the organic trimmings washed down with lashings of decocoanated cocoa.
George Christensen: Malcolm Turnbull’s head on a stake or he’ll resign. He means it this time. He’s not kidding around anymore.
David Feeney: A real estate portfolio, a map and a passport.
Barnaby Joyce: The Deputy PM’s list didn’t pass the High Court. The good news is he makes a perfect Christmas decoration. Just stand him right next to the tree. No batteries required.
Eric Abetz: A 1962 desk calendar for the Tasmanian senator’s desk. It won’t actually be 1962 but he can close his eyes and pretend. Ah, the good old days.
Cory Bernardi: Nothing. The Liberal Party is his gift and it keeps on giving.
Belsnickel is coming, folks, and unlike Santa, he does not mess around.
This article was published in The Australian 15 December 2017
As NSW teeters on the brink of a system black due to coal fired generation failures the government continue to lie to the Nation. No surprises.
http://reneweconomy.com.au/turnbulls-big-climate-fail-no-positive-change-policy-26081/
cop this…..
http://reneweconomy.com.au/tesla-big-battery-outsmarts-lumbering-coal-units-after-loy-yang-trips-70003/
This is for all the troglodyte’s who questioned the value of the Tesla battery. Take note. “Even before the Loy Yang A unit had finished tripping, the 100MW/129MWh had responded, injecting 7.3MW into the network to help arrest a slump in frequency that had fallen below 49.80Hertz.”
“Data from AEMO (and gathered above by Dylan McConnell from the Climate and Energy College) shows that the Tesla big battery responded four seconds ahead of the generator contracted at that time to provide FCAS (frequency control and ancillary services), the Gladstone coal generator in Queensland. But in reality, the response from the Tesla big battery was even quicker than that – in milliseconds – but too fast for the AEMO data to record.
Importantly, by the time that the contracted Gladstone coal unit had gotten out of bed and put its socks on so it can inject more into the grid – it is paid to respond in six seconds – the fall in frequency had already been arrested and was being reversed.”
http://reneweconomy.com.au/tesla-big-battery-outsmarts-lumbering-coal-units-after-loy-yang-trips-70003/
Interesting Dismayed. This may throw some light on the query I had further down the blog about the efficacy of the backup. I guess everyone is watching – and if the battery proves it’s worth over the next few months it will be fantastic.
If the whole country could pull together in the same direction how different things could be.
We must look rather strange to foreign countries at times.
I’m wondering if the power has finally gone to Barnaby Joyce’s head in booting out the rather more talented and moderate Darren Chester and demoting him to the backbench (rather than Chester taking on a Parliamentary secretary role) and having Turnbull have the Governor-General appoint some mediocre loyalists that happen to be from the correct states in the rest of the new Cabinet (with Barnaby taking on Transport and Infrastructure and Convenient Pork-Barrelling) – http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-12-19/chester-dumped-joyce-set-to-become-infrastructure-minister/9270222.
Harking back to your Xmas theme Jack, I’ve been trawling the history of Xmas traditions, and I’ve lucked onto one that deserves a resurrection. In earlier times, when the fun police were just getting going, tavern masters were required to present their cask taps at the door when the warden came by to prove the kegs were off. This was known as ‘tap to’. Caroling at that time was a circular dance, and singing religious Xmas songs was wassailing. Nothing like a good wassail! This was a male only pastime – no rainbow singing back then. The aim of wassailing was to make a great din outside the tavern until the taverner gave in and allowed the singers in for a few drinks on the house, but with no taps, it was all spirits and wines. Of course the wassailing would continue until the taverner threw the wassailers out in the snow, whereupon, after some drunken and probably involuntary caroling, they would approach another premises and wassail again. This could be repeated as often as necessary, or until all the wassailers fell down in the snow and froze to death. As our climate is quite warm and freezing to death is unlikely, I could see wassailing as a new seasonal sport that could gain a large following quite quickly. Add late night cricket highlights and it’s a sure winner.
Happy Wassailing!
I think it would be necessary to apply for a permit Wissy.
Jesus X Christ Jean-Baptiste! The fun police want a permit for watching Chappeli after10pm? What is the world coming to?
Now you are on zer list Vissendorf.
Consume, be silent. Die.
I see Hillsong Morrison continuing to lie to the Nation claiming he will continue to boost jobs through infrastructure spending yet the MYEFO shows a 25% cut in infrastructure spending. the cons con goes on and on. No Surprises.
the worst
As long as the price of mansions rise……………
Twitter: “Letting people make fools of themselves since 2006.”
AFP accidentally tweets N Korea operation
“Dear chaps at NASA, Would you kindly forward me your detailed Future Moon Landing Launch Schedule as my dear friend Mr Baptiste does not believe you are going to the Moon or in fact ever went to the Moon. Also find enclosed my Resume for a spot on your first Rocket as I do believe I would be invaluable to a successful Mission, at least as a “gofer” for Chuck and Buzz. Regards, Yours in Rocketry, Henry Blofeld Esq. QLD Australia ” There you are Mr Baptiste I have requested the information you dearly seek as indicted in a post below. Cheers
You do know when asked a serious technical question, like “how on earth (or just near Earth) did the astronauts manage to transition from one vehicle to another when doing that astonishing feat of dismantling and reassembling the massive components in space , and why no photos, NASA suddenly means “Never a Straight Answer.” And oddly they don’t even seem to publish diagrams of that amazing feat anymore.
I expect your answer will be on the lines of “Waal, we sure hope it is before them damn Chinese get there.”
Since you haven’t got the nous to figure out what everyone at NASA knows Henry, your best offer is probably going to be sweeping the carpark.
Cheers.
Cheers dear fellow.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/projectapolloarchive/albums/
I seen a photah, it’s gotta be real.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdMvQTNLaUE
Neil Armstrong , an honourable man, walked away and managed not to lie to the people. Bill Clinton knew too, and tried to give us the hint.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwxsL6msdwE
https://www.flickr.com/photos/projectapolloarchive/albums/
Show me one single photo of Earth from the surface of the moon. One video of the Earth slowly turning. One single full 360 degree pan. It’s as fake as three trillion dollar bill Blofeld.
Get over it.
Winning the ashes is not a bad way to say farewell to the WACA. Not much of a tail on the poms, and the head and torso is not too flash either!
They say catches win matches and we have taken some absolute blinders.
Bring on Boxing Day.
No “big swinging whatsits” these days either.
Australia’s principal rule maker, the Australian Energy Market Commission, has belatedly admitted that the much delayed surge in investment in wind and solar will cause wholesale electricity prices to fall in Australia, but it is clearly not happy about it. No Surprises.
What about Foreign Minister Julie Bishop? Bishop has been busily sounding the alarms about Chinese “soft power” in recent times, as well as taking repeated swipes at Dastyari. Yet in 2016, it was revealed that Chinese businessmen with links to Julie Bishop had donated over $500,000 to the Liberal Party in the previous two years.