Humble servant of the Nation

It ain’t Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, folks

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What’s the difference between South African, Indian, English and Australian cricket?

When a South African player, Faf du Plessis, gets nicked for ball tampering (twice) he is made captain. When Sachin Tendulkar does it he remains a demigod. England’s Mike Atherton became a few thousand quid poorer. In Australia we assemble an ugly mob who bay for the blood of our cricketers and get to work with the four-by-two and a packet of roofing nails.

These distinctions offer an unusual look at national identity. Put succinctly, Australians lost their minds and their judgment over a piece of tape, some pitch dirt and a cricket ball.

I’m not sure I would refer to what happened at Cape Town between 2.00pm and 2.42pm local time as cheating. It’s an unhelpful term given approximately 99 per cent of Australians don’t understand the vagaries of reverse swing and how a cricket ball tampered with or not may suddenly start swinging around corners or stubbornly refuse to shift one millimetre off its trajectory.

It was not cheating by any legal definition. Broadly speaking, common law defines cheating as a contrived act set to deny people of proprietary rights. In Australia, where criminal law refers to cheating, it usually falls into the category of obtaining financial benefit by an act of deception. In the UK, where laws for cheating on the sporting field were brought in recently and used in the prosecution of Pakistan cricketers, Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif, Smith and Co.’s actions would not, by definition, rouse the interest of the plod.

When madness abounds, it is sensible to return to some measure of sanity by using the terms the rules stipulate. It was a code violation grade two (of four with four being the most serious).

Full column here.

451 Comments

  • Milton says:

    I didn’t see any of it but on paper not too bad a start for the Aussies. Like to see old mate Gary get in amongst some wickets.

  • Tracy says:

    Well that was a non event, no questions answered.

    • Trivalve says:

      Not what it was about.

      • Tracy says:

        Presuming there are legal channels to go through, why did the minder not say he would be making a brief statement and no questions would be taken.
        I appreciate that each player (would hope) is getting some decent legal advice but CA has in the past ignored the unsavoury parts and carried on as usual. Sutherland has (supposedly I don’t know) increased CA revenue a huge amount, his bum has been on the seat for seventeen years and just wondering if he and the board are more intent on saving their own arse.
        Of the three if anyone is going to be thrown to the wolves it’s Warner and no, he’s not my favourite player but he shouldn’t be the fall guy for any behaviour that was condoned by others in the team and CA.
        Would it have been more sensible to send all three home, one statement via CA’s lawyers to cover all three, inquiry and then player penalty imposed.

      • The Outsider says:

        What was it about?

  • Boadicea says:

    So now the media does a u turn and rushes to the emotional support of the trio.
    What a train wreck.
    Gideon Haigh’s article today is very good.
    Where was CA when those boys stepped off the plane to endure a kind of slow crucifixion? It was hard to watch. He’s copped criticism for dodging the press, but maybe Warner made the right decision. He has had time to collect his thoughts and won’t be skinned alive today.

    • Trivalve says:

      The press has canned him for avoiding the feral pack that was them. Who’s it all about? What was he supposed to do, they came out the side door of immigration? There’s some ratbags with microphones out there.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        Sie haf vays of machen sie tock TV.

      • The Outsider says:

        There’s also some ratbags with bad intentions on the field, both here and internationally.

        • Trivalve says:

          So the ‘crucifixion’ is appropriate then TO? What will satisfy you? Drive one of them to suicide?
          Have you been campaigning against Faf the past year or so as well?

          • The Outsider says:

            Trivalve,

            I think it’s you that might need the lesson in perspectives, TV.

            Do you think a few players conspiring to rough up the ball with a piece of sandpaper compares to a spontaneous incident of bouncing the ball to the bowler, or rubbing the ball with a sweet?

            Ball tamperers from other sides should have been punished by their cricket associations, as well.

            As for what’s appropriate for the Australian trio, it’s clearly something more than what was meted by the ICC (but less than what CA gave). Without knowing everyone’s exact role, I reckon a one series ban for all three would have been appropriate.

            Suicide? Try and argue a case rationally.

            • Trivalve says:

              We may be misunderstanding each other here TO. I was referring to the predatory nature of the press hounding a family who are in a very dark place. I took your comment to mean that you thought it to be well deserved. Apparently not, but I did not connect the dots.

              I think there’s a pretty solid prospect of some amongst Smith, Bancroft and the Warners suffering from depression, soon if not already. If they aren’t given some space, that could lead down some dark paths. That’s a rational assessment to my mind.

  • Dwight says:

    I think people need a good news sports story: 36-Year-Old Accountant Called In As Emergency NHL Goalie — And He Crushed It
    https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/03/30/598263399/36-year-old-accountant-called-in-as-emergency-nhl-goalie-and-he-crushed-it
    Scott Foster is a 36-year-old accountant who lives in Oak Park, Ill. More than a decade ago, he was goalie on Western Michigan’s hockey team. These days he plays in a rec league at a rink called Johnny’s Icehouse.

    That rink is just a few blocks east of the arena where the Chicago Blackhawks play — and where, on Thursday night, Foster became a legend.

    Just before faceoff against the Winnipeg Jets, the Blackhawks tweeted that they had signed Foster to an amateur tryout contract to be the team’s emergency backup goaltender: EBUG, for short. The team pointed to his .875 save percentage at Western Michigan University and his earlier career for the Petrolia Jets of the Western Ontario Hockey League.

    “I don’t think I heard anything other than, ‘Put your helmet on,’ ” Foster said later.

    With Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville grinning, Foster took the ice.

    And he stopped one shot after another — seven times blocking the Jets’ attempts to score.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Turnbull a “Barry Crocker”, Mr Insider as he continues his slide into political oblivion. We read: ” The federal parliamentary Liberal Party doesn’t need to see another Newspoll to form the judgment that his leadership is terminal. Turnbull has already “lost” 29 of the 30 consecutive Newspolls that he set as the vital test of success. Turnbull’s self-defined time limit is due to expire in the next fortnight.
    Nothing dramatic will happen at that moment. The Coalition is resigned to losing the 30th. But it won’t be a meaningless milestone. Instead, it will signal open season on Turnbull for his internal critics and rivals. The real problem for Turnbull is that his party also expects him to lose not just 30 but 40 or 50 and to keep on losing.”
    Goodbye Malcolm, thanks for coming, the “get Malcolm” season is just about to start.
    https://tinyurl.com/ybpkhqum

  • Milton says:

    “In a Guardian interview, New Zealand’s PM also talks about life as a leader, Trump and selfies in the lingerie department”…
    Oh be still my beating heart.

  • Gryzly says:

    Just checked my passport and it is navy blue one with the ‘roo and emu on the cover, so I care not what the South African, English, Indian or Pakistani players did or what their punishment was. The Australian team represent me and I don’t want them cheating and I consider it cheating. 3 months for ball tampering and 9 for stupidity. I bet all the other ex-pats feel the same especially after a night at the boozer surrounded by English and Kiwi flogs.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    I bet that Kim Jong un got stuck into that top class Chinese tucker at his Banquets in Peking, Mr Insider. Cant wait till he shares a Big Whopper Burger and Coke with POTUS Trump! Bet he will go a side order of Fries or 3.

  • Razor says:

    Bella,
    What are your Cowboys doing for gods sake!

    • Bella says:

      They’re just not ticking over or adjusting to JT’s return. Morgan’s all over the place, Thurston seems as tired as Taumalolo & Ethan Lowe should take-over conversions until JT gets his own rhythym back. Not like him to be tackling either – it’s dangerous considering his shoulder reconstruction. That said, I’ll still love my Cowboys win or lose.
      How’s the disgraceful display on full-time last night between the Storm & the Panthers? All those kids watching ‘sportsmanship’ right there.😨

      • Razor says:

        Agree Bella. All over the place. The storm game was disgraceful.

        I think you might be about to get a heap of rain again Bella. Just old Razor the part time fisherman who’s been studying Qld weather charts since he was about 14.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    I say, Mr Insider, this Easter turning into a “horribillus” for chappie Julian Assange who a few days ago had his Internet cut off by the Ecuadorian Embassy in London and now he is no longer allowed to receive Visitors. The “screws” being applied to get rid of this waste of oxygen and get him to face up to any charges that he may need to do. That Bedsit Cupboard just shrank measurably. Go the bolt out the door Julian, “balls to the wind” chappie!

    • The Bow-Legged Swantoon says:

      The problem (for them) is that they made him an Ecuadorian citizen, thinking they could then make him a diplomat and quickly whisk him out of there. It seems it escaped their attention that to attain diplomatic status you need the endorsement of the host country. And Britain said, “Nope!”

      So he’s not just a refugee now, but one of their own. Unless Julian is prepared to deal with the consequences of never growing up and walking out that door they’ve got him for good. And that is excellent. They deserve each other.

    • Dwight says:

      They should throw in a bar of soap. He’ll leave.

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