Humble servant of the Nation

Australia’s second-hand secrets

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Psst. Anyone know where I can get my hands on some top-secret documents?

Never mind. It turns out they can be purchased in second-hand stores. Look for locked filing cabinets without keys, collapsible document files that read “Top Secret” or “AUSEO” (Australian Eyes Only), or brown paper bags marked “Cabinet-in-Confidence”.

Welcome to the thigh-slapping comedy that is the commonwealth of Australia.

Perhaps we shouldn’t be too harsh. This could be a brilliant ruse. Certainly, the Chinese will be completely confounded by it. They’ve been spending the big bucks on electronic surveillance and satellite tracking to get access to national security information when all they really needed was to drive around Canberra and do a spot of low-level antiquing.

Full column here.

200 Comments

  • Razor says:

    I’d love to shake this blokes hand. Poor bastard I know where he’s coming from and the immense frustration he feels. We need more people like him in politics!

    https://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/state-politics/labor-mp-quits-over-yesterdays-ideas-for-aboriginal-problems/news-story/a96a8690460ba6b1c54594ff3355b610

    • Trivalve says:

      Yes, we need more like him. But the irony is, he’s leaving.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      He seems to be genuine Razor. But his “todays ideas” would be what exactly?

      • Razor says:

        One would hope they would revolve around education and making the next generation job or higher education ready. That cannot be achieved in the communities as they exist now so some very very hard decisions need to be made regarding taking large amounts of kids away from these communities and taught in top flight boarding schools. That could mean government setting up these schools and paying a premium for the best educators they can get.

  • Boadicea says:

    Interesting news on RN this morning.
    Amazon and Warren Buffet are talking about setting up heatlh insurance if the GOP can’t or don’t .
    I was staggered at the cost – USD19,000 pa for a family – if they are fortunate to be employed. Otherwise none. And we are complaining!?
    Also health insurance providers there tend to prefer states where people are healthier. Not down South where obesity is an issue ☹

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      19K ? No biggie, on $7.25 an hour if a feller works hard like his forefathers did, say 20 hours a day he can afford that and a bag of corn or tatties to feed the kids occasionally.
      Take the POTUS , by the sweat of his brow and desire to succeed look what he done with the lousy few hundred million dollars. his pappy left him.

  • Tracy says:

    Footy tips Jack.

  • Dismayed says:

    We don’t need Punxsatuwney Phil from Gobblers Knob to tell us razor from the “sunshine” state is thick as bricks each year he proves each comment. No Surprises..

    • Razor says:

      You seem a little hyped up? Are you on the boat again worried about what’s happening at home?

      • Milton says:

        Yes, I too noticed the level of excitement and wish he would just chill and think about his health. I’ve told him about some breathing exercises but he won’t listen as he’s got a thing about oxygen.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        Perhaps he forgot to put the scopolamine patch behind his ear Razor.

  • Tracy says:

    Another dead end in the case of the Beaumont children, so bloody sad for all involved for the last fifty two years.

  • Rhys Needham says:

    As for Malcolm Turnbull’s shopping list, I can see that being rather fraught with danger as well. I can see the work-experience kid being sent out and getting both barrels when he comes back with the wrong exotic vegetables and herbs and spices because he doesn’t know what vegetables, etc., are.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      No joke. The local DJ who fancies himself as a worldly expert on just about everything astounded a phone-in of middle years with news that he had just discovered that contrary to his previously held belief , dates and prunes came from different bushes.
      The response. “Well there you go, you learn something new every day.”

      • Mack the Knife says:

        He doesn’t get out much poor fella.

        I’ve been searching the net JB and someone has leaked your design for the Kung Pao missile. Good thing they haven’t twigged it was a red helling. Better start using a vpn old chap.

  • Rhys Needham says:

    Surely there’s a comedy sketch in this about hordes of Russian, Chinese, and other spies flooding Canberra second-hand stores and op-shops looking for old filing cabinets full of official documents and getting amusing disappointed or happy in other ways.

    I’m quite enjoying the Ferry McFerryface saga, too. It’d really sum up Australian politics if the Minister fell over it and not all the other scandals in his portfolio.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    POTUS Trump to host Aussie PM Malcolm Trumble, Mr Insider, on February 23rd.
    https://tinyurl.com/y6uul2p5

  • Milton says:

    I see Peter Hoysted and Denis Ryan have won the Five Paws Award in Gerard Henderson’s latest Media Watchdog/ Sydney Institute article.

  • Mack the Knife says:

    Went to the ABC site to read about the topic of this and came across the story of new info about the Beaumont children disappearance. It seems new information has come from channel 7 not the police. Good on them for not giving up and helping the police cold case investigators. I don’t remember 1966, but I do for years afterwards there would be a mention of them in the news, it must have been shocking at the time in sleepy 60’s South Australia. Hope the family gets some closure.

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