And so this is Christmas and what have our politicians done? More importantly, have they been naughty or nice?
It’s probably more of a northern hemisphere cultural contrivance that those who have been naughty are destined to receive only a lump of coal for their dastardly deeds in the preceding 364 days.
Down in the southern hemisphere a lump of coal is the only thing Scott Morrison wants for Christmas. In fact, he wants more than one and what Santa can’t provide, he’s hoping Adani can. The downside is it might cost the rest of us a billion dollars and counting. Scott needs some coal for props in the parliament and others to use as paperweights in his office. He will continue to do so until the black lung kicks in.
Santas take many forms. Even in Australia, Santas vary from outrageously jolly with luxurious thick beards to those wearing crappy polyester bristles with the elastic showing, a cushion wedged up their guts and smelling vaguely of alcohol.
In Japan, where just 1 per cent of the population is Christian, they love santa-san and they think he flies down from the moon every year to hand out gifts, which probably makes more sense than the North Pole.
A solid argument could be made that our federal MPs already have their own type of Santa who flies down on his sled from Beijing. This Santa comes in the form of generous businessmen bearing party donations. The really good thing is he comes more than once a year. In fact, pretty much whenever he likes.
My favourite of all Santas is the Amish type, Belsnickel. Belsnickel is a bad-tempered version of Santa. Dressed in rags, he turns up at your home uninvited, bangs on the front door and demands to know if children have been “impish or admirable”. Like George Christensen he carries a whip but unlike George Christensen, he is not afraid to use it.
I’ve always thought our Santa was too soft. Sure he can terrify very small kids by his sheer size and through the shocking ghastliness of his lurid outfit, but the rest of us can sidle up, leap into his lap and make demands without fear of rejection. Our Santa has to listen. Belsnickel, who looks like and really is a kind of an angry, old homeless guy, does all the talking.
So Belsnickel it is for our federal parliamentarians and have they been impish or admirable?
I’ve been checking the list and I’ve been checking it more than once.
For reasons of space, not every MP getting a gift is listed here because let’s face it, most of them aren’t that interesting.
Sam Dastyari: A job.
Tony Abbott: A job and some dignity.
Malcolm Turnbull: What do you give the amorphous blob that has everything? An endoskeleton, of course.
Bill Shorten: He’s not sure but he’s put in a call to the CFMEU to see what they’d want him to have.
Julie Bishop: She does not want Malcolm’s job. He’s performing well under great difficulty. No, she is quite satisfied with being deputy and foreign minister. Really. Wait. How many Newspolls was that again?
Bob Katter: How can we celebrate Christmas when every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in north Queensland?
Pauline Hanson: Just a card, thanks. In fact, lots of cards. Maybe give James Ashby’s printing business a bell?
Kevin Andrews: I hate to be critical of a person’s appearance but let’s be honest about Kevin. The man looks like Fine Cotton on race day. For Christmas he needs a professional colouring job on that bonce of his. Maybe some blonde tips. Maybe the full Milo.
Adam Bandt: A vegan turkey with all the organic trimmings washed down with lashings of decocoanated cocoa.
George Christensen: Malcolm Turnbull’s head on a stake or he’ll resign. He means it this time. He’s not kidding around anymore.
David Feeney: A real estate portfolio, a map and a passport.
Barnaby Joyce: The Deputy PM’s list didn’t pass the High Court. The good news is he makes a perfect Christmas decoration. Just stand him right next to the tree. No batteries required.
Eric Abetz: A 1962 desk calendar for the Tasmanian senator’s desk. It won’t actually be 1962 but he can close his eyes and pretend. Ah, the good old days.
Cory Bernardi: Nothing. The Liberal Party is his gift and it keeps on giving.
Belsnickel is coming, folks, and unlike Santa, he does not mess around.
This article was published in The Australian 15 December 2017
Rocketry news, Mr Insider and Elon Musk’s SpaceX has racked up another first, launching a recycled rocket with a recycled capsule on a grocery run for NASA. The unmanned Falcon rocket blasted off with a just-in-time-for-Christmas delivery for the International Space Station, taking flight again after a six-month turnaround. Also as we all know the Moon Race is now on with the USA, China, India and Japan all aiming to do a manned landing on the Moon. How fabulous it would be to touch down on “Tranquility Base” the landing spot of Apollo 11 in 1969.
https://tinyurl.com/y8l7y7qy
P.S. I wonder did Neil Armstrong carve his initials in the LEM for posterity – we may find out soon!
It’s very impressive stuff, HB.
Breathless! Oh be still my beating heart. So, serious question my little space cadet, and just for once an answer would be nice. When exactly do you think this landing of humans on the moon is likely to take place?
The 2nd lot of landings am sure you refer too dear Mr Baptiste, we have been there 6 times so far. Apollo 13 fouled up as you know and the mission aborted with Commander Tom Hanks aboard. Maybe Little Rocketman, Kimmy Jong Un could outdo all and beat them back to the Moon? Cheers good buddy wishing you a fabulous 2018
I still get a thrill, Mr Insider seeing the footage of Apollo 11 blasting off and the subsequent Moon Landing. Only someone a “few shillings short of a pound” would have the gaul to denounce this footage. And we are going back to the Moon soon too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6A72ufn3l4
Belay the bloviating Blofeld, be courteous enough to answer the question. When approximately do you expect to be thrilled by this ahem, second landing on the moon? Are you really planning on living to 150?
If it is any help NASA will be conducting unmanned flights through the van Allen belts over the next few years to determine a feasible strategy for sending a human out there.
And that will be the easy bit .
I have emailed NASA, Mr Baptiste and have requested the actual Moon Launch Dates you requested and will pass them on to you as soon as an answer arrives. Cheers
EPL tippers check your email.
The Liberal Party’s John Alexander has won the crucial by-election in the federal Sydney seat of Bennelong, despite a swing of more than 5 per cent to Labor, Mr Insider. A top result for Labor given it was a rare By Election where the previous sitting member was recontesting. If the 5% swing was translated Nationally Shorten would be PM. Great first up effort from Kristina Keneally who appeared from nowhere to contest the seat. Lets hope in 2018 we don’t have any more of this type of By Election.
https://tinyurl.com/y9h3zkaq
Samantha Maiden actually gave Keneally a grilling, good interview.
After the government she ran in NSW glad she didn’t get her bum on the seat.
I dropped a $1000 on Katrina, Tracy but it was her first run from a long spell and she will benefit mightily from the outing. Cheers hope your 2018 a ripper.
correction “Kristina”, possibly a Senator too!
There’s a good chance she will be a senator soon, HB – and after all the mud flying in both directions in Bennelong, Turnbull may find himself having to negotiate with her in the not too distant future.
He was making conciliatory gestures not long after the result. Bit like a chess game!
If it was down to me I’d arrest and execute, all Brexiteers, every member of the Trump administration, every trump supporter and every member of the republican party. Here, every member of the liberal party, nationals, christian democrats, Australian conservatives and one nation. Certain elements of the ALP would be for the Gulags too.
I’d make Max Robespierre and Joe Stalin look like absolute pikers. The body politic is largely rotten, it needs to be thoroughly purged
When you say ‘pikers’…
What would you do with Shanghai Sam UQ or does your mindless partisanship only relate to those in the centre or right of centre? You’re a kiwi from memory so nuff said really. Any chance of lobbing back over the ditch? Jacinda should suit…….
I repeat, “Certain elements of the ALP would be for the Gulags too.” All of the apparatchiks, Feeney, the staffers, all of the executive of the Shoppies, the NSW senator (so faceless I cant remember his name, was it Bitar) who talked Krudd into abandoning the “greatest moral challenge of our time”, Bill Ludwig and his dozy son. Ive got a little list…
Partisan, absolutely, who isn’t? Centre right doesn’t exist in the coalition anymore, particularly as the membership is further to the right of the MPs!
Lob back to the NZ? Love to but my Aussie wife would leave me…
Stealing our women, UQ??!!
Your name is on zer list UQ.
I’ll help you UQ. 😩
Stuart Broad, obviously. Must be karma for cheating at Trent Bridge, 2013.
What chance Senator Keneally?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQbsW3-DSvk. In tribute to Rory O’Donoghue.
John Alexander: How about a study guide on How to Work a Room with Disability Humour
Unfortunate remark in the excitement of the moment. Not sure it deserved the headlines it got though.
Get off the grass.
Really? I’m hoping this signals the return of lots of jokes about lesos, window-lickers, poofs, coons, gimps, wogs, wing-nuts, slopes, Scots, English and Irish and everyone else, really.
Not because they deserve it but because it upsets the halo-polishers.
Especially Scots. And Geordies. Alreet?
Really. All followed by grovelling apologies as well?
Yes it did B. If Shorten said it he’d be crucified wouldn’t he.
Probably Bella.
I don’t like and don’t trust Shorten – and I guess that shows.
The fact that he is not the preferred PM in spite of the perceived shortcomings of Turnbull probably means a lot in the ALP feel the same.
To their credit the Labor party have presented a united front behind Shorten. Because Rudd changed the rules it is harder for them to change their leader during his term – but I do think if they could manage to install Albanese they would gain a lot more credibility and integrity.
Maybe Boadicea but really, by your comment, you’re never going to like any leader of the ALP.
If Anthony Albanese actually did become Labor’s leader it wouldn’t change because you don’t appear to support what Labor stands for.
As a long time Labor now proud Greens supporter I’d never say “perceived shortcomings of Turnbull” not because he has proven time & again just how woefully inadequate a PM can be, but because I know the Libs never look after the working class, just themselves.
Happy Christmas Boadicea. 🌲🎄
You too Bella – have a good one! 🐋🎄
Known afew people with disability stickers.
All could have existed without them.
For a time, they were one of the biggest rorts out in NSW.
Just a media beat up as usual and is indicative of the reason we have the polloes that we get.
Sucked in, Bill.
You treated them like gullible fools – and discovered that the voters of Bennelong are not fools.
What happened to “be nice Dismayed it’s Christmas “, you really need to settle down Boa, there’s plenty of room for different views on this forum. You seem to be getting more strident with every post, why don’t you sit back and give others a chance to have a say. Go to a few Christmas parties, that should put you in a festive mood. Stop obsessing about Bill Shorten ffs
That 5% swing repeated nationally would give us King Billy. Not so sucked in, you miss the bigger picture.
I think all these citizenship by-elections will go to the encumbent Wraith, because Aussies like a fair go. A fair while till the next election though.
Not looking forward to it if this one was a sample of things to come.
I dont really care who wins it.
Disillusioned with the lot of them!
Nobody is saying there isn’t room for plenty of views on this blog. Penny. Everyone seems to be participating.
I do not refer to other members in the third party on this blog – but I will say what I think about things happening in the world. Obviously you may not always agree – that’s okay.
I wouldn’t term my contributions as strident though
Have a nice day
Fine, as long as you quit with the “Oh, I am so unbiased routine”. You’re an out and out barracker acting as if some of us are gullible fools. Some might find that irritating but I find it amusing given your rather sparse insights into “what is happening in the world.”
Go your hardest, this is fun.
I wonder when total partisianship becomes gullibility?
Just asking JB.
Now you’ve got me wondering what partisianship is? I suppose it follows that when whatever it is becomes total it has reached it’s maximum possibility then it, if is going to be, if it is to be at all, gullible. It is reasonable to speculate however some would be gullible to begin with, and that a predisposition to ” total partisianship” would be a consequence of existing gullibility.
Plenty of total partisans here to choose from JB, n’est-ce pas?
In which case heaps of fellow gullibles!
Should keep you amused 😀 what fun!
Silly Boadicea. A five percent swing in Bennelong? That’s got to tell you something.
It’s about the national average of all swings against all governments in all by elections. All by elections go against the incumbent governments because voters use by elections to ‘send a message to Canberra’. A 5% swing is stock standard. It tells no-one anything. Shorten is talking it up. He has to. He’s a dead man walking. After he loses the election Albanese would shoo in, he’ll be a footnote in political history, and we’ll be stuck with deadhead Turnbull for another 3 years.
5% average? I don’t think Bennelong fits into “average.”
It’s many years since I lived in Sydney but I don’t recall the area being all that flash. Ryde, Eastwood, Epping, were pretty ordinary. Meadowbank had a couple of big factories and Gladesville a couple of smaller ones. Borg-Warner, big in car gearboxes, had a plant in Gladesville, and there was also a place that made neon lights. There was a big quarry and concrete plant across the road from the Ryde pool. They weren’t knob suburbs in the early 70’s. Very working class mostly. Hunters Hill and Lane Cove were upmarket from memory. It’s probably millionaires row now, but a lot of Sydney would be. Another point to bear in mind, by elections don’t usually (never in my memory) have the incumbent as a candidate, so this one was a bit unusual. Trabvitch has some good stats. The 5% I mentioned was a national average, and Trabvitch’s stats show just that.
Wissy. That’s all a bit academic. If a win to Labor required a ten percent swing then it aint no blue collar electorate, no mo’.
Good point about incumbents Wissendorf. None of these by-elections can be considered normal. And compare the swing here to Barnyard Barnaby’s.
I too recall some of the industry in Gladesville back in the day. Throw in Claude Neon. Epping and Eastwood were never working class but they weren’t mega-flash either. Solid would be the word, and kind of leafy. Epping, after all, was named after Epping Forest near London, because it possessed a lot of large trees. They were mostly gone by the time I arrived of course, but there was still a sawmill and there was (and is) still a lot of bushland lining the creeks that run into the Lane Cove River, although the M2 took out our patch. North Ryde was a pretty housing commission sort of place too and the Macquarie ‘precinct’ was mostly paddocks. I could go on, but the bottom line is that Bassy’s full of it on this one.
Another three years of “deadhead Turnbull” maladministrating, bowing & scraping to the US, China, Shinzo I Butcher Whales Cos Turnbull Lets Me Abe AND Gina R is far too precarious for our country to even contemplate.
Betta get used to it.Shorten is hopeless…no presence or gravitas.
Bella, I can’t recall any PM of any ilk who has stood up to the Japanese on whaling ever. A whale sanctuary was declared but all have squibbed policing it. I have for years refused to buy anything made in Japan or made anywhere else by Japanese companies. I wouldn’t service Japanese made vehicles in my workshop. The only exception I made was for a disabled lady who had a Tarago and we fitted it out fora disabled driver. My main concern in the marine environment, is the rising tide of plastic trash. Figures from the Arctic Ocean are dreadful, recently 14,000 pieces of crap per sq km. I can’t go fishing on any eastern seaboard beach without encountering some measure of plastic pollution, from tiny shards to quite large chunks of rubbish. Most of this crap, 90% in fact, is coming from just 10 rivers, and 8 are in Asia. This stuff doesn’t degrade for decades.
Yes, JB. I haven’t looked at the splits. beautiful day here so had a hike up the mountain.
Did the 5% all go to Labor or was it scattered across left and right parties?
Doesn’t matter where it went. They lost 5%. Take an EPIRB and a compass. Maybe trail some ribbon behind you?
Good luck.
Always carry an Epirb JB, and GPS. Ribbon not required.
You make me smile sometimes too. In the nicest way
Cheers
No ribbon to mark the trail? Typical, just sit on your bum and wait for the helicopter. Some people.
Certainly hope I never have to sit on my bum and wait for the chopper, JB.
I was lost in the SW forest for a couple of days with no Epirb a couple of years ago – that will go down as the most terrifying experience I have had to date!
So now I always take one – even if it’s only up Mt Wellington!
Those guys in the choppers do a fantastic job often in hazardous conditions.
We used to carry a map and compass Boa. Lighter.
Wise Triv.
I learnt a huge lesson that day – how things can go wrong very quickly when you least expect. Super cautious now.
We lost a bushwalker in the same area a couple of months ago. Despite the alarm being raised within a couple of hours of his disappearance, and 60 volunteers out looking for him for a week he was never found 🙁
Jean-Baptiste, wasn’t Bennelong held by the Libs for 70 odd years? I thought when McKew unseated Howard, it was the first time Labor had held the seat. Unseating Howard was a magical result, only the second time since Federation a sitting PM had been booted by his electorate. Once they got rid of the burr under the saddle, the Bennelongese reverted to type at the next election. I don’t think the unfortunate McKew was too popular. Also some under-the-table Labor shenanigans helped bring on her demise. Trivalve has some local knowledge and may know more.
McKew had the benefit of a “drovers dog” election. Howard was really on the nose by then. Many probably thought getting rid of Howard was the best thing they could do for the Liberal Party.
So this bushwalker is still lost Boa? Hadn’t heard about that.
My Dad, who’s lived there since the forties, might not be a fool, but he’s silly as a two-bob watch. The result was relatively predictable.
You just don’t get it do you Boa. I know, I know you think we pick on you….,but seriously look around you and work ou what is happening out there…..sheesh
10% was just too much to ask in a Big End of Town Millionaire Row’s seat. Well done and congratulations to the tennis player a thoroughly good bloke for a somewhat invisible member of the Liberal Party. I dunno what Stan Laurel is cheering about it was shocker. for Labor, Poor campaign by Labor Chinese scare campaign hopeless…debt, unemployment, business confidence, slow wages growth hardly mentioned.
Predictable result. Labor might have expected a point ir two more in a swing but I didn’t ever think KK could win it.
The swing against the coalition if carried nationally would have led to a labor landslide.
I’m sure Shorten will remember that when Feeney loses his seat to the Greens
Dead cert to the Greens Tracy.
Swings are never uniform across Australia…..crazy statements by Stan and guitar strumming Tony Burke.A very poor result against arguably the worst govt. This country has seen. Turnbull can still win in 2019.His so called policy successes are Labors as he continues to cherry pick Labors policies.Labor foolishly puts them up.Howard in 1996 won with no policies as did Abbott in 2013.Stan should try it.
It is only partially Big End of Town Bassy, on the north shore flank. It encompasses what were some fairly ordinary suburbs which have gradually become more desirable due to their relative proximity to the city. The house prices are now quite stupid, but this is not the eastern suburbs.
Oh come on Bassy, you’ve lost your bearings. Go have a look at the Bennelong boundaries, they and the demographics of the seat have changed big time. It ain’t any Millionaires Row.
Remember Maxine McKew knocked off a sitting Prime Minister in 2007, unheard of. The boundaries have changed further in favour of ALP in the intervening years. Add that to Kinnealy’s high public political profile and the Libs did well to hold the swing at 5-6%. Then there’s the small issue of the blatant lies put forward by her and her team.
Big end of town? you haven’t a clue.
An electorate of small businesses, aussies working for themselves.
Those who own the big end of town dnt live in their businesses…they live THERE in electorates like Bennelong.
The big end of town doesn’t live in Bennelong, they live in Mosman or the eastern suburbs, big end of town living in Eastwood? …….for crying out loud!
Stop digging a hole Bassy. You’re wrong.
Well perhaps not the “Big End” but a seat the Liberals had a ten percent lead in, fielding an Australian “golden boy” against a female candidate with an American accent.
Five percent swing is a shocker, but the Cons will get up again. The establishment and cronies will make sure of that.
And presumably with the majority of voters Jean.
If Shorten wasn’t such a union patsy they might have a chance, but they have him by the crinkly hair.
Milton. Yes the majority of voters are simple minded sheep who will easily be swayed and frightened off voting for Labor. We’ll see Bill dressed up in a Nazi uniform again no doubt by the conservative press.
Would you, in your own words explain exactly why you think Shorten is a “union patsy?” What is a “union patsy” BTW?
Make that a shill then.
In what way?
A few stats on average swings against governments from 1901 to 2014 in by-elections follow (source https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_Departments/Parliamentary_Library/pubs/rp/rp1314/HoRByElections)
So a swing of 6% is not to much above the overall average (but well above the average for LNP Governments), which, given how on the nose the Government seems to be is not too bad…
All by-elections
5.7% First preference
4.0% 2PP
Government held seats
6.6% First preference
5.0% 2PP
LP/NP Governments
4.8% First preference
3.3% 2PP
ALP Governments
8.2% First preference
5.5% 2PP
By-elections caused by death
3.6% First preference
2.5% 2PP
By-elections caused by resignation
7.2% First preference
4.9% 2PP
Good stats. Got a link?
Shocker of a campaign indeed, I agree, and yet even with that shocker of a campaign, we had a 5% swing against the sitter. With a half decent run show it would have been a different result no? The Libs should not be cheering over this.
Have to disagree Wraith. With a star candidate like KK and the China stuff Labor are the ones who won’t be happy with that result.
Talk about who’s been naughty, has anyone had the stamina to watch “Forged in Fire”, the story of Ashes Tests passed currently being screened at the end of play in Perth?
It is a very interesting portrayal of the drama of previous confrontations, of which I was fortunate to attend several. Living up to the title, I have lost count of the number of times the “f” word got a run from the combatants recounting their deeds, led admirably by Thommo and Merv Hughes. Even the normally shy Justin Langer got in on the act. Must have thought they were back on the field.
It’s not as though I was offended. I am still in slow recovery from my encounter with Meningitis, so I appreciate the entertainment. It is certainly better than yet another Lumbar Puncture yesterday, I can still feel the bloody needle in the spine.
I’ve enjoyed it.
Yes, it’s a really good doco. I presume that they were told to say exactly what they thought and assume that they were just shooting the breeze with their teammates. I actually thought it was a bit over the top. Even Michael Vaughan.
I almost didn’t watch it last night because I’m still dark about our loss in 2005. It was really interesting to hear some of the plans the Poms put in place though, and even then it only just got them there by a couple of runs. But they did find a way to quieten Gilchrist and the middle order. They also found a couple of ways to bend the rules in a most not-cricket way (mints anyone? Rotating bowlers off the field and *that* sub?) In the end I think that the little things just fell in their favour. Just. But you could tell from Langer’s reaction that our guys knew that they should still have won the series.
I also note that there was not a single F-bomb from the famously working class Punter.
Glad to hear you are continuing along on the mend Lou. The lumbar puncture sounds hideous. Good luck mate, keep fighting the good fight. I’ve dispensed with the wheelchair, and just need a cane now.
Keep your chin up Lou.
Yes indeed, Lou. Chin up and all that.
So says I belatedly
Mitch Marsh gets a century, good on him. I seem to remember someone bagging the Marsh boys on here a while back. Good selection I reckon, Tubby Taylor agrees, but wtf would we know.
Batted beautifully. This should be the making of him.
First time I’ve watched test cricket in ages. Really enjoyed it. Good to see two batsmen on a roll.
I know you are talking about Eddie the expert Mack but I must admit I did my fair share of Marsh bashing as well. He batted very very well.
MTK I have only ever bagged S. Marsh and even after his ton in Adelaide would be happy to see him miss out. If you go back to the announcement of the first test team I stated on JTI’s blog the M. Marsh had scored as many runs as his soon to be injured brother who will again will be out cheaply in Melbourne playing outside off stump. Pity you have not taken notice of my other selection opinions over the years S. Smith when all and sundry here were bagging me, Warner after watching him in a Domestic one dayer, Hazelwood after a ODI years ago, the list goes on and on Tim Paine, Do you recall my words on Handscombe and Renshaw? Of course not. I tell you what you lot are getting older sadder and more and pissy. No Surprises.