Humble servant of the Nation

Laughing it up with Malcolm

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The national smoke night known as the Midwinter Ball has been rumbled. Of course, you and I can’t go, not without creating a scene anyway, but we did manage to get a glimpse of the frivolity from a ‘leaked’ video shot on one of the more than 600 smartphones in the Great Hall of Parliament House.

With that many phones with functioning cameras, I doubt we can actually call it a leak as the clip had better production values than you might see on Channel Ten at the moment.

There is no truth in the rumour that Malcolm Turnbull clambered back on stage for an encore, ate at a vase full of flowers and sung the first two verses of Eskimo Nell for even more hilarity. And I am yet to establish if, in the latter part of the evening, they got the Crown and Anchor board out and those assembled opened their wallets and went hard.

Maybe my bandwidth is a bit on the slow side (thanks Malcolm), because by the time I got the video to play, all the good jokes might have been lost in the buffering – but in this morning’s spin on what may one day become known as the real death of vaudeville, the Prime Minister’s colleagues emerged to declare him the new King of Comedy… and not in the bad Rupert Pupkin way.

Full column here.

197 Comments

  • Milton says:

    That bloke Roz Ward is up to some cheeky tricks in being loose with the truth and fabricating figures, suggesting 40-50% of students are bisexual or homosexual. I think schools would serve the children better by teaching them the 3 r’s and keeping their noses out of the kids sexuality and focus on their own. I can’t open a paper without reading about some teacher having sex with a student at their school. Stick with the basics and emu parades.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      You’re a bit attached to that paper. Buy a new one.

    • Lou oTOD says:

      Seems like Roz wanted the three “R”s to include a new one Milton, and we all know there is no room for an extra Rs.

      I’m kinda glad she got the Rs, although I see one guest speaking engagement got hastily deconfirmed.

      Now the real question. How in gods name was she, an unqualified non-academic, allowed to create such havoc on the education system for so long? Did our kids deserve this self righteous Marxist dictating what was going to be taught in our schools?

      In another age this would have been laughed at. In today’s world, it’s just another day in the life.

      • Dismayed says:

        ZZZZZzzzzzzzz. Have you been sleeping lo these past 50 years of so? The 3R’s don’t cut it in the world we live in and certainly wont be enough for the future. Again, Do you realise the Catholic Education system is rolling an almost identical anti bullying scheme as safe schools.??? Oh you didn’t know that?? I am not surprised. Too many gay left wing greenie, muslim now Marxist inner city baristas to blame for everything rather than actually find out what is going on. Get off the kool aid man. Your need to have an enemy behind every corner just highlights the echo chamber you live in.

        • Mack the Knife says:

          “That bloke Roz Ward is up to some cheeky tricks in being loose with the truth and fabricating figures, suggesting 40-50% of students are bisexual or homosexual. ”

          You must read too fast or you can’t comprehend. This is the thrust of the comment. Besides the fact Roz Ward should be the last person (unqualified as she is ) to teach anything to children, like getting Colonel Sanders to mind the chooks.

    • Trivalve says:

      Loopy

    • Uncle Quentin says:

      Research has shown the incidence of homosexuality hovers around 3-5% though some studies have shown it to be as high as 10%. 40-50 % bisexual? Hardly

    • Dismayed says:

      You do realise the Catholic Education system is rolling almost the exact same Anti bullying scheme as safe schools???

      • Milton says:

        What has anti-bullying got to do with my post? And if you think the 3r’s don’t “cut it” in this world then you are even sillier than you seem. I’m guessing you wagged school the day they did at least 2 of the 3r’s.

        • Dismayed says:

          Milton you are stuck in the 50’s man. The conservatives and their continued push for the R’s and rote learning is what has held this nation back for decades. Get you head out of your arse long enough to see the world HAS changed and people like you are stopping Australia from progressing or even keeping up with the world around us. Are you saying you were not referring to Safer schools with your ridiculous rant?

          • Milton says:

            It wasn’t a rant and I wasn’t referring to Safer schools. You’re a goose and a troll. You also fail to grasp that reading is useless without comprehension.
            See Mack the Knife’s post – he’s trying to help you.

      • Razor says:

        Link please. I’d like to compare content.

  • Dismayed says:

    Geez Bryce Gibbs will fit nicely into the Adelaide Midfield group next year. When is his contract up next year? I am sure Adelaide will try to get him again.

    • Jack The Insider says:

      Still got three years on his contract at Carlton. By gee, he’s been terrific this year. Probably leading the B&F with Docherty and Kreuzer.

  • Dismayed says:

    Apologies off topic and No laughing matter. 9th person takes their own life on Inpex Icthys Project. Most guys working 4 weeks on 1 week off, many working without a rotation at all. I know several guys who have quit even with no other work to go to because it just sucked the life out of them and nearly cost them their families. This is what happens every time there is downturn first things to go are wages and conditions. Roster’s go from even time to these ridiculously dangerous long hitches with very short time off. No fatigue management in place what so ever. Wages drop also. There are guys who have managed to continue working on the very few rigs offshore Australia now on 40% less than they were 12 months ago doing longer hitches. The governments response???? They want more “flexibility” for companies to screw over the employees. Many guys working through labour hire shelf companies and they just get screwed continually. We will have many here who support this government and its continued agenda of inequality and beating down the workers. There was a Royal Commission a couple of years ago into to 3 workplace deaths because it was Politically opportunistic. Where is the outcry now from those coalition supporters???? FN hypocritical dogs.
    http://www.perthnow.com.au/rendezview/our-fifo-workers-are-suffering-how-can-we-help/news-story/b8ec4d2573d138b411c590f73a9cf0c1?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_feed%3Bc%2BgnvJ2NQbmtQsg1zZZgFA%3D%3D

    • Razor says:

      I actually agree with a heap of what you wrote. The same is happening in the coal mining sector. Right up until you couldn’t help yourself and threw in the dog comment. Then again you have constantly demonstrated your opposition to coal mining. I sometimes wonder if you and others on here have the secret to making steel without coal.

      Labor and the left do not have the franchise on health and safety and good working conditions remember that.

      The one thing you forgot to mention is the temptation for FIFO workers to commence using methamphetamine to get them through. It is generally thought this is the answer to why Perth had such a problem for some time and now there seems to be a reduction. FIFO destroys people and small regional towns. Rigs aside it should be banned tomorrow.

      • Dismayed says:

        FIFO is a great lifestyle when you are doing even time rotations and have decent comms to contact home along with good gyms and recreational facilities. Clean living at it best, you work, you eat , you exercise you can undertake studies you can Improve yourself in all sorts of ways. 12 hours work, 1 hour of exercise, 1 hour of personal developments 10 hours of rest and recovery. But Every time a conservative government gets elected they support companies removing even time rotations removing conditions, forcing down wages, with take it or leave it contracts and we see this same thing now and have been witnessing it since the downturn began a couple of years ago. We have this issue with the terrible rotations raising stress and workplace Risk profiles not to mention the productivity diminishes but don’t forget about the many many guys who have lost their jobs all together. No support for them like the Automotive industry, that the coalition destroyed in this country, received.
        The Norwegians do a 2 on 2 off 2 on 4 off rotation keeping everyone fresh and employs More people, more jobs. Yes you earn a little less but have a great lifestyle. Some of the Production facilities here used to have this also until last the couple of years. FIFO is a great lifestyle but the Government has to ensure the conditions are in place. Rather than support the removal of them. It is a backwards step to take families to the extreme environments as was done in yesteryear. There are better ways to grow rural and regional areas. Like my Civil Service disaster recovery teams idea. You have no doubt forgotten it because I suggested it.
        On the meth use it is when the guys go home. Too many D&A test when on location. I have hit road blocks for years in the way the D&A testing is done. Any sign of weed or drugs in the system and you are run off. I have said for years I would rather have a cat who has a joint or a couple of cones and falls asleep eating his BBQ chips playing video games or watching Game of Thrones on his time off than some burnt out guy who has been speeding off his head for his entire time off knowing it will be out of his system in 48 hours. So the boys hit the hard gear on their time off and come back to work and look around and it’s like they have never been there before and are just basically fried and hanging over the handrail for the first week or so wretching as their bodies re-adjust to life without the shit in their system. Many of them take all sorts of pre workout high caffeine types of products to take the edge off.
        We can still mine coal for steel without mining the dirty lower grade stuff for power generation. See how that works ? Coal power generation is outdated inefficient and More expensive than newer technologies and creates Air pollution and increases the heating up of the planet. Get over it and think of your children’s children. Start listening to the Science, the research, the data, the FACTs. Instead of being a weirdo freak like Malcolm Roberts.
        No, Labor do not have a ” franchise” on health and safety. But experience tells us these things always get worse under the cons directly because of their IR agenda. We have already seen an uplift in deaths and injuries in the Construction industry in the last 6 months just as we did last time the ridiculous ABCC was enacted. Not to mention protections removed from agreements. you do realise Not 1 company has an agreement that meets the ABCC requirements. Multiple labour hire shelf companies being created to move guys continually onto worse and worse agreements. Even the RBA is calling for wage rises not the wage cuts we continue to see.
        But another of my points was why are the coalition and its supporters not calling for a Royal Commission into this worsening situation? Oh that’s right they would have to scrutinise their benefactor companies and their own IR decisions. So the hypocritical tag fits.
        Apologies about the length.

        • Razor says:

          Well argued comment with no vitriol. Well done Dismayed. I again disagree with some of it but not all.

          • Razor says:

            Forgot to add. I cannot argue your point on shift rotations having never done FIFO. What I would argue is surely FIFO is not good for family life under any rotation regime.

          • Dismayed says:

            Razor I have done FIFO since the very early 90’s. it was always part of our family set up. I spent, spend quality time with my children’s and other people’s children actually. I did drop offs and pick ups. I usually had mine and 2,3,or 4 others every afternoon in the backyard or down the park, playing sports, reading, drawing, arts and crafts whatever with fruits and yoghurts for snacks. I had woman complaining their kids were asking for all sorts of “exotic” fruits like kiwi fruit or nectarines would you believe? Thankfully with us they were kept away from Macca’s a couple of times a week. I was able to coach, train, be involved in the clubs etc etc on my time off with my wife and the other parents doing the time when I was away. I think and I am pretty sure I saw more of my children and as above other peoples kids as they did. Mates of mine working in town were lucky to see their kids for an our a day when they were young and turning into little people. Yes I am advocate because it worked for us. The honey moon effect you may call it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc etc. It has enabled me to provide for my family what I did not have. So as above with the right the settings Business and Government can create more jobs and healthier contributing Aussie’s utilising the Nations resources except for coal for power that is.

          • Dismayed says:

            Ohh Forgot to mention I am very proficient in the domestic side of things ensuring washing ,cleaning, shopping and cooking etc was done when the family got home which allowed everyone to chill rather than continue on working after work. school etc. So the family when someone does FIFO can actually benefit.

          • Razor says:

            Great comments. It makes sense. I suppose the trick is to have a dad who doesn’t want to piss off to the pub as soon as he gets home from his rotation. Well done it’s a credit to you.

    • Trivalve says:

      With you there Dismayed. 4 and 1 is pretty unsociable. Presume travel time comes out of the 1.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Big Bad Boris Johnson circling, Mr Insider, with reports in the linked article that UK PM has “10 days” to shore up her PMship. Stick it out Theresa, show us all those “balls” you said you had before the election! Strewth.
    http://tinyurl.com/y78ouavh

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Far be it fro me to report bad news, Mr Insider, as you would well know “cough”. Some news needs the spotlight on it as does the latest Newspoll just out and number 14 Negative in a row for the “current” PM Malcolm Turnbull. Strewth he’s as popular as a “pork chop in Jerusalem” with the Aussie Voter! Another 16 and he has caught ex ousted PM Abbotts record which I said, possibly foolishly” will never be beaten! 14 bad ones for Laughing Boy Turnbull who had the hide to say recently “Polls Don’t Matter”. That’s a “B” for Bollocks for you Turnbull. Bill Shorten is positively beaming!
    http://tinyurl.com/y7m86mak

    • BASSMAN says:

      SHORTEN:-still hopeless at a) doing his job b) preferred PM re News Poll
      As long as he trails in these 2 areas Looters are still in the game with a scare election on terror, refugees and now citizenship. The Looters are so good at linking everything to terror/national security they could link a CWA cake stall to a terrorist attack if it meant votes.

  • Tracy says:

    Just watching the replay of India getting their arse well and truly kicked by Pakistan, a well deserved win.

    • Jack The Insider says:

      Watched Pakistan’s innings and called it after Kohli was dismissed. Pakistan batted with great intent, the openers set it up with a run a ball 100 plus partnership. Always nice to see the underdogs get up and against India it’s even better.

      • Trivalve says:

        I agree. Would not have said that once but since Kohli, you bet.

      • Perentie says:

        Funny tournament, with the rain washing out Australia. My cousin was in England for the competition and only got to see her son bat once. Fortunately Travis got a few in that innings. Why they stage such a big event during the English wet season (October-September) I’ll never know.
        But well done to Pakistan. They might run hot and cold but they won both their semi final and the final easily. Nice to see England and India get rolled as well.

  • Milton says:

    Just got around to watching what there was of the video, and it was more of a sound recording. And I agree with Jack, Malcolm’s not as funny as a cake in the face or even a peace sign held up behind someone’s head.
    If anything it was more to do with Fat Laurie and what he thinks the Donald would or wouldn’t find funny. And why wouldn’t Mr Oakes go to the press ball? Servings too small?
    What a sorry state our politics is in if this is top news. Malcolm would be a lot funnier if he teamed up with my bud Abbott! Throw in jocular Joe Hockey and they’ll have the keys to Las Vegas.

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      Bless you dear Milton, of course we all know that Laurie or “Fat Laurie” as you call him did indeed “hound” your man Abbott when Abbott was our PM. “Others” did too and am sure you know one or two who did “cough” and this may be the reason for your “cruel” attack on our humble Scribe, Laurie. But we live in a free speech society. Cheers P.S. dear Carl doesn’t like him either!

  • smoke says:

    en marche kickin’ arse

  • Jean Baptiste says:

    Mr Henry Blofeld Esq,

    You’ll find this as intriguing as I do Hooray. Some pundits have been musing aloud for some time that The Donald’s primary motivation in seeking the Presidency was sanctuary in the White House. I find “primary” debatable for someone with such a massive ago but then I suppose a massive ego would recoil at facing his accusers publicly so it may be so.

    http://www.avclub.com/article/trumps-lawyers-say-he-cant-be-sued-sexual-harassme-252852

    I notice Melania managed to keep a good yard between herself and the POTUS on decamping from Camp David by veering steadily away from a direst line to the helicopter. My source in the administration tells me she has been taking judo instructions focussing on the skills of breaking the opponents grip.

    Best wishes old boy.

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      Goodness me Mr Baptiste, POTUS Trump now 4 months or so downwind of a 4 or 8 year term and may I say performing brilliantly as he “Makes America Great Again”. Your latest “offering”, designed to sledge said POTUS, did indeed bring a chuckle from your humble correspondent and a smile too. FLOTUS Melania firmly ensconced in the White House now with hubby and I read adding her special touch to the décor. Not long now till November, Mr Baptiste, when you can join me roadside to wave and cheer as the happy couple motor past us on their visit to Australia. Cheers

      • Jean Baptiste says:

        If I wanted to sledge the said POTUS , I’d have called it a pompous sleazy fat chauvinist overgrown piglet.
        Fair go Henry, all I did was point out the obvious and refer to the scandals dogging him over the decades, plus the fact that many aggrieved women are seeking justice. I believe alleged offences are as recent as The Apprentice series.
        No wonder Melania has got the hump with the Trump.
        Here, have another chuckle.
        https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/01/donald-trump-scandals/474726/

      • Jean Baptiste says:

        Here ya go Hooray Henry you romantic dill. Old piggy eyes is absolutely on the nose with the trouble and strife. The old hypocrite is always spruiking the USA , he should have married himself a nice obedient Mid West Presbyterian girl.

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/melania-really-hates-holding-donalds-hand_us_5924b44ee4b0650cc01fe5e6

      • Bella says:

        Oh Henry B no doubts here that your silly devotion to the Anti-Christ doesn’t stretch to the raw realities of the odious offensive advances he foisted on anyone in a skirt.

        Melania’s a beautiful woman, in a chemically enhanced kinda way of course, intelligent also we’re told.
        C’mon HB are you following me yet?
        No self-respecting female with half a brain would fall in love with a fat, pathetic fake-tanned sleazebag who enjoys groping unsuspecting women “because they let you do it”.

        His behaviour disgusts most women & it does appear that Melania is breaking her neck to avoid any physical contact with him at all now.
        Marrying for money must be….complicated. And yucky.
        Bella

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