Australia was created 13.7 billion years ago on an otherwise uneventful Wednesday afternoon.
The Big Bang was crucial to the creation of Australia. It was a pyrotechnic display that left last New Year’s Eve cracker night in Sydney in the shade. Energy levels were produced that would have crushed a lesser universe. Afterwards the universe expanded and cooled while going through various chemical transitions which created matter – the building block of Australia.
No one from Stephen Hawking down can tell you what was going on before the Big Bang. There’s a general muttering from all astrophysicists about gravitational singularity. They do think it was dark. Probably.
No one is quite sure why it went off when it did either. There are some God-botherers among the folk in white coats who talk about a higher power lighting the wick on the thing while others babble about general relativity.
At first Australia started out as part of Africa, South America and the Middle East. Everyone seemed to get on pretty well but fearing a stink was inevitable, Australia politely severed all ties with its neighbours about 500 million years ago, shrugged off Antarctica and headed north where there was a lot of space and some very nice beaches.
The first Australians showed up about 50,000 or so years ago. Back then people used to walk a lot more than they do now. And so it seems they wandered over from South-East Asia. They may have even walked all the way from Africa. Or they could have arrived in taxis. No one is quite sure.
However they managed it, at some point the first Australians caught a glimpse of the jewel in the sea and thought to themselves, “Yes, this’ll do nicely.”
The first Australians eschewed farming after failed attempts to herd wombats but they learned to get a feed out of the place even in the most desolate deserts on earth.
They set fire to a lot of Australia. No one knows whether they did so in sadness or anger. They brought their dogs with them. They may have invented footy.
For the next 40,000 years Australia remained a mystery to all but our indigenous brothers and sisters. It was ignored by cartographers and clod-footed explorers appeared to go out of their way to avoid it.
That all changed in 1606, when Dutchman, Willem Janszoon, sailed south of Papua New Guinea aboard the ship Duyfken, lobbing on Cape York Peninsula.
Clearly no judge of prime real estate, Janszoon looked about and declared, “What a bloody terrible place for a country”, promptly pulled up anchor and sailed off.
In what may have been the greatest real estate debacle of all time, another Dutchman, Abel Tasman, circumnavigated Australia without actually seeing any of it – with the exception of a bit of southern Tasmania, which he mistook for something else. Exhausted and with his teeth falling out from scurvy, he returned to his master, Anthony Van Diemen, the governor-general of the Dutch East Indies. Collapsing at Van Diemen’s feet, Tasman reported, “If Australia’s out there, I’m buggered if I can find it.”
Always quick to leap on an opportunity, the British figured they’d sail up and down the southern oceans looking for Australia until they banged into something that seemed to fit the general description.
When someone did bang into it, that someone was James Cook and that something turned out to be Botany Bay. Cook (he was then a lieutenant and was promoted to captain upon his return to Britain so the rhyming slang would roll off the tongue more easily) liked the look of the place so much he bunged a flag in to the beach and declared: “I hereby proclaim this country in the name of whatever demented, syphilitic madman has assumed the throne since I left the place in what seems a lifetime ago.”
Keeping a look out, the locals replied, “Oh a country? Is that what it is? And here’s us thinking we were living in an existential vortex.” The British, who don’t handle sarcasm well, started shooting.
The Brits were awestruck by the beauty of the landscape and so immediately set Australia up as a prison. Convicts were dispatched to Australia to build the Cahilll Expressway, assemble breweries and place gigantic fibreglass fruits along the eastern seaboard.
Since then Australian history has been a doddle to grasp. Walter Lindrum, Phar Lap and the Don. That’s all you’ll ever need to know about modern Australian history and everyone knows what happened there. The Don got a blob in his last knock, Phar Lap got a hot shot and Walter Lindrum was hounded out of his sport by the rule makers of an arcane parlour game, too up themselves to realise greatness when they saw it.
The important thing to note is that right from the Big Bang, all that fuss was just a lead up to this one moment in time and this particular spot in the universe: Australia in 2014.
If you’re eyes are getting weepy and your knees are trembling now, well that’s only fit and proper. All the work’s been done. Australia has been served up on plate. So go ahead, stick your face in and suck the succulent morsals right up through your nostrils.
Boa, you must be much much younger and in better health than me, I think every year ticked over is an absolute win against the odds!
TBLS, not much in the way of protests just yet, but they will be back. The government here has done a pretty good job, but no-one much loves them. Interesting to compare the very popular NZ PM, NZ has 20 odd deaths out of a bit under 5 million people, the dreadful Carrie Lam has four out of 7 and a half million.
One of them is being lauded as an international exemplar, the other one had to deal with a complete absence of personal public support and multiple border crossings to the source nation of the virus, which also is our colonial master.
Go figure.
Dwight, I would give a handsome sum to have been there when you let loose the Centerlink with classrooms line.
It’s all opening up here, bit by bit, and with the understanding that we may have to revert to more restrictions later. Looking good though, the occasional queue outside a lunch joint, not a long line, but it is there again. We all need to move on and get our economies working again, and I say that as someone who tops out on the risk factors.
Way too many people around the world enjoying having a little bit too much authority.
My Dad used to love taking the piss out of them, he would liken them to the chaps who put on a white coat and want to boss you around in a sports field car park.
He was right.
jack, just before I stepped down from that job–voluntarily–I had a quinella. Got the registrar to take another look at student performance when his algorithm showed they were fine. He stopped returning my phonecalls. As a result of the data I got from him and a lovely admin assistant in international programs, I had our agent in Rawalpindi fired. Thereby pissing off the Director of International programs. I got tired of playing nice with the bureaucracy. Strangely, the Dean asked me to keep it for another year!
I was chatting to a Kiwi last night Jack who came out and said that he had never voted Labour in his past life…his words “and yet we have a young lass in charge who hasn’t put a foot wrong”…..funny because there were a lot of international faculty on the phone/zoom discussion and they all said they admired young Jacinda
Ardern’s popularity is as completely mystifying to me as Kevin Rudd’s was when he took the top job. Both of them genuine as a $3 note.
Wow! ….. That much?
We should be so lucky to have just one politician in Australia remotely similar to Jacinda Ardern. That lady is simply bursting with humanity. How refreshing. 😍
The answer is elsewhere on this blog TBLS. It’s what you’ve been reading.
Jack – I’ve been meaning to ask – are there Hollies tribute bands doing the rounds in HK playing “Hey Carrie Lam”?
I see that Andrew Constance intends to throw his hat in the ring for Eden-Monaro. It’s a long way from us in SA, but without going into her business details, I can say that my wife has had a bit to do with him while he has been in the NSW Parliament and has always found him to be a very decent man. That’s not a bad starting point.
The hat landed elsewhere NFY. Now all sorts of horror scenarios are emerging, including Abbott. Cue jokes about Mirabella and Bishop too. But I don’t think a paratrooper will work in Eden-Monaro, given its geographic and demographic diversity, plus the bushfire hangover that is well and truly still with them. I thought that Constance was a fair bet for them. Turns out a bloke I know is his uncle and we have discussed him pre and post fires. My opinion went up, but it seems he’s not interested. I think the Labor candidate, Bega Mayor Kirsty McBain, did well during the fires but that might not make her recognisable in Queanbeyan. We shall see.
And then he’s out. What’s going on there?
Deal done overnight I reckon. Barillaro to get a clear run. He put MacCormack back in his box, Constance and Molan out today.
Well that was short-lived!
Was watching a talk from a Swedish professor giving his views on the virus – and Sweden’s more relaxed policies.
He reckons – and he may well be right – that although Sweden has a higher number of cases and deaths they now have a greater immunity in the community.
He wonders what will happen when countries like Australia and New Zealand have to relax their policies before their economies are utterly destroyed – with relatively nobody immune to the disease.
His conclusion is that eventually the number of cases and deaths per country will be equivalent worldwide.
He mentioned that the Swedes mainly relied on trust – trusting the community to be sensible whilst protecting the elderly to some extent – and they seem to have been sensible as they have not reached the scale of Italy or Spain.
So why did Australia need to police its people so stringently? I reckon it’s because we are nowhere as near being a disciplined, considerate society as the Scandanavians. Too many larrikins. I don’t mean to offend Australians. But when one looks at the relaxed prison system over there (more like health resorts than incarceration) , or the fact that the police are never armed, and the social welfare systems that are so generous to the entire society, I can appreciate why the citizens are more socially conscious perhaps.
Excellent discussion Boa, which we haven’t been having here. I’m a business lecturer, so I have one view–but don’t ask me about your heart condition. On the other hand, we’re listening to epidemiologists about our economy.
Boris relied on herd immunity for about a week Boa and that didn’t turn out well.
Watching the state and federal governments fighting over lockdowns is like watching a stoush between the Bolsheviks and the Mensheviks.
Excellent! We need some Trotskyites to sort them out.
Чудесно ain’t it!
Damn, I could read the Russian.
Da!
A sprinkling of Maoists for some international flavour would be good. We can order them from some bloke called Dastyari. Check your phone at the door and come on in.
Nothing to do with the topic Jack, but a beautiful case of double speak.
On our council web site there are some entries attempting to explain a promise by the state government of a rate freeze when the 3 Northern Beaches Councils were merged
https://www.northernbeaches.nsw.gov.au/council/rates-and-council-fees/rates-information
Rates Path Freeze
The NSW Government has previously stated that ratepayers in the Northern Beaches Council area will pay no more in rates than they would have been levied under their former Council, until June 2020. This has now been extended until June 2021.
Further down there is another section that expands on it:
The NSW Government has provided a policy commitment that ratepayers will pay no more in rates than they would have under their former council for four years. It should be noted this commitment is to freeze existing rate pathways, rather than freezing the level of rates that are levied by councils.
This does not mean that rates for an individual ratepayer cannot be increased. Rather, it means that the total rates income for an amalgamated council cannot exceed the amount of income from rates that would have applied to that council as if the amalgamation had not occurred.
In accordance with the rate path freeze policy amalgamated councils will be able to increase their 2019/20 general income from the general income that applied in the former councils areas in 2018/19 to take into account the 2019/20 rate peg and any special rate variations (SRVs) previously approved by IPART prior to the amalgamation. Any approved SRVs must only be applied to ratepayers in the former council area that the SRV was approved for.
Of course when the amalgamation was going ahead, all we heard was no rates increase.
The council wants a 2.6% increase this year and has increased them every year since the year dot.
It has to be the best bit of double speak around or how about straight out blasted lies.
Sir Humphrey would be delighted with the statement.
Clear as mud, John. Bureaucratese
Could have been worse, when some residents of Pittwater were complaining about the amalgamation with us “westies” here in Warringah the then Pittwater council mooted taking half of Warringah to become part of their domain and I presume the other side of Warringah Road to us Killarney Heights etc would have gone to Manly council.
We went to a number of heavily attended meetings basically to say you either amalgamate all three councils into one or not at all
Think Mosman had been ear marked for North Sydney/Willoughby which didn’t go ahead, too many councils and too many snouts in the trough
Hi Tracy
I am getting a bit annoyed with the amount of money being spent along the beaches as to west of the escarpment and funded by continual rate increases.
We got included with Pittwater after the amalgamation and I doubt whether a couple of councillors know where we are.
The Palm Beach crowd always ran the old council for themselves and it continues.
Tried our shiny new bit of road yet? nice to miss the traffic lights at Forestway and Wakehurst Parkway, the test will be when all the traffic returns.
Thanks for the birthday wishes, folks.
Strange one this year . Isolation combined with atrocious weather – bit gloomy.
Binge watching a Nordic Noir- Before we Die . It has me on the edge of my seat at times – have to go have a cuppa or something and then carry on! And then there’s Killing Eve.
So life down here is slow. No hurry to lift restrictions apparently. Although i do notice increased traffic. The tribe is getting restless.
Trivalve, re your note on 3 May @ 10.25am in which you appear to question the validity of my comparison of JTI’s current historical offering with recent work elsewhere of a similar genre.
At the risk of being accused of joyous evasion, and without wishing to get into a “Windschuttle-like” kerfuffle, I was simply suggesting the scholarly authenticity covering the fields of history and anthropology in Jack’s piece on here is unquestionably both primary and verifiable.
In comparison to the so called Eden of harmony and pacifism that reportedly litter the pages of the tome to which you appear to refer, Jack’s contribution is nothing short of magisterial.
So you haven’t read it then.
TV, I refer you to Bruce Pascoe’s pre-warning during his Speakola lecture during NAIDOC week at the NSW Art Gallery when he was questioned about grain storage and other relevant issues –
“I’d like to tell you a few yarns because that’s all I am, I’m a storyteller”.
Now, if storytellers are raconteurs, then they either spread secrets or they tell anecdotes in a skillful way. Anecdotes may be urban myths, hearsay or real incidents.
Make of it what you will, mate.
I guess I’ll have to
A belated happy birthday Boa!
Thanks Razor :-))
There are so many odd things about this virus, but this one struck me, 25% of French adults smoke, but smokers seem to make up a much smaller number of patients hospitalised with the virus, as little as 5% in some hospitals.
Now maybe the smokers don’t fess up about being smokers when they go into hospital but that seems so un French like to me.
It will take a long time to unpack all the data on this pandemic and work out the whys and wherefores, but that won’t stop all the instant experts telling us to do this or that in the meantime.
Everyone seems to be an expert, except those honest enough to say we don’t really know.
The numbers of French in HK have doubled over the last few years, escaping a moribund economy and a migration problem, and it has created a new demand for ground floor street facing bars and restaurants, so they can take their beer or wine onto the footpath and fire up a gasper.
It makes me nostalgic for my smoking days.
Yes, epidemiologists, virologists and infectious disease experts are learning on the job which makes it even more important not to listen to mugs. We might even look at the statistic on members of the commentariat and one or two politicians who offer advice in epidemiology and pharmacology. Put it this way, I doubt anyone would take their cars to a shockjock when they want them serviced. The smoking issue is an interesting one. Early days, the view was smokers of a certain age were at acute risk. The French experience may be due to a statistical anomaly, reporting issues etc. As you say it will become clearer when the dust has settled but it would be amusing if it transpired that smokers were at lower risk of infection.
There is some evidence that nicotine has a positive effect, according to a French study:
Their study looked at 480 COVID-19 positive patients at the Pitié-Salpêtrière medical facility, 350 of whom were hospitalized while the rest, with less serious symptoms, were sent home. Of those admitted to the hospital, with a median age of 65, only 4.4% were regular smokers. And of the released patients, with a median age of 44, 5.3% smoked.
“Our cross-sectional study strongly suggests that those who smoke every day are much less likely to develop a symptomatic or severe infection with Sars-CoV-2 compared with the general population,” the researchers wrote.
The researchers will now attempt to verify their findings in a clinical study using nicotine patches, pending approval of French health authorities.
Vive la France! The Japanese figures would be interesting too. They are a densely populated nation, and are heavy smokers, with a consumption rate of around 1500 durries per person p.a. They have 125M people but have only recorded 500 odd deaths, comparable to Australia with 100 or so deaths from a population of 25M. I heard somewhere, quite early on, that smokers have lower infection rates. I happily took up the pipe again as a practical prophylactic preventative. A steady regime of tobacco and alcohol, as per Putin’s Prescription will do me until there is a vaccine.
Actually it is a good Bordeaux that is causing it Jack 🙂
If we take the superb sample of those of us on ths blog, it obviously stands up to rigourous scientific scruitny.
My experiences of the French, jack (and I go to France as often as I can) is that 9 out 10 seem to smoke. And if it’s not a real ciggie it’s vaping. I’ve always wondered what the stats on lung cancer are in that country compared to others that don’t have as many smokers.
Jeez Jack, you’re baking and also tweeting about my fellow Cheesehead Ed Gein? RUOK? *laugh*. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was based loosely on Ed.
Wisconsin had four serial killers–and two were cannibals. Those long cold winters aren’t good for your mental health, I guess. Right now though, I look at my prior bouts of cabin fever with a bit of nostalgia.
Just in respect of Alex Jones who nudged the crazy needle further into the red last week.
I _did_ click on that video–Jones is clearly now living in his own universe.
He’s out there, mate. Way out there.
I watched a video of his once. Thought he was a sit-down comedian.