Humble servant of the Nation

It ain’t Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, folks

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What’s the difference between South African, Indian, English and Australian cricket?

When a South African player, Faf du Plessis, gets nicked for ball tampering (twice) he is made captain. When Sachin Tendulkar does it he remains a demigod. England’s Mike Atherton became a few thousand quid poorer. In Australia we assemble an ugly mob who bay for the blood of our cricketers and get to work with the four-by-two and a packet of roofing nails.

These distinctions offer an unusual look at national identity. Put succinctly, Australians lost their minds and their judgment over a piece of tape, some pitch dirt and a cricket ball.

I’m not sure I would refer to what happened at Cape Town between 2.00pm and 2.42pm local time as cheating. It’s an unhelpful term given approximately 99 per cent of Australians don’t understand the vagaries of reverse swing and how a cricket ball tampered with or not may suddenly start swinging around corners or stubbornly refuse to shift one millimetre off its trajectory.

It was not cheating by any legal definition. Broadly speaking, common law defines cheating as a contrived act set to deny people of proprietary rights. In Australia, where criminal law refers to cheating, it usually falls into the category of obtaining financial benefit by an act of deception. In the UK, where laws for cheating on the sporting field were brought in recently and used in the prosecution of Pakistan cricketers, Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif, Smith and Co.’s actions would not, by definition, rouse the interest of the plod.

When madness abounds, it is sensible to return to some measure of sanity by using the terms the rules stipulate. It was a code violation grade two (of four with four being the most serious).

Full column here.

451 Comments

  • BASSMAN says:

    JackSprat says: APRIL 1, 2018 AT 8:59 PM…Razor says: APRIL 1, 2018 AT 9:25 PM…Toaster says: APRIL 2, 2018 AT 12:26 PM …AND BOW….

    On DUTTS:-Well OK, I possibly should have used ‘loathed or disliked’ instead of ‘most despised’. Now I read all of the newspapers and if Letters To The Editor are any gauge, nobody receives as many negative letters as Dutton. No one comes near him. People find him misleading tricky and a person who tells outright lies and has been proven to on many occasions. Every portfolio he has held has ended in disaster. The AMA rated him the worst Health Minister in 30yrs. I would say only Kevin Andrews (The Undertaker) comes near him for incompetence. You cannot call a man well-loved who loses 5% in his seat at the last election! 2000 votes would, thankfully, see him blasted out in 2019, although the redistribution in his favour will possibly save him.

    • Razor says:

      Bassy,
      1./ He had a swing against him. Big deal, most did.
      2./ The AMA is just the doctors union trying to protect their patch.
      3./ in the main letters to the editor are written by political operatives.
      4./ he will hold his seat easily. The demographic works in his favour.
      5./ he is doing well in immigration and has continued Morrison’s legacy of fixing up Labor’s mess.
      6./ He needs to come clean about the current business regarding personal intervention.

  • JackSpat says:

    Anybody know what’s in Ajax Spray&Wipe that kills ants and spiders quicker than any insect spray?

  • Huger Unson says:

    Two more just added to my Mute filter, Jack.
    “To Be Honest With You” and “Stormy Daniels”.
    Any articles containing “skyrocket” and LGBT get the flick, also.

    • Trivalve says:

      Are you accepting fresh suggestions HU?

      • Huger Unson says:

        My very word! Have added “Roseanne Barr”, “Tiger Woods”, Juventus, and “clean coal” to moderate effect.
        “Neuro diverse” brought up only one mention, but it’s sure to catch on and will be following “gender diverse” into the dev null bucket.
        Did I mention I’m rather fond of Jordan Peterson’s beard?

  • Wissendorf says:

    Some gruesome outcomes in the footy. Can’t buy a winner. Cats losing to Hawks by a lousy point was the lowlight of the weekend.

  • JackSprat says:

    Does the SA cricket team get paid by the hour?

  • Trivalve says:

    Channel 7 has institutionalised Bruce. Their promo during the (brilliant) footy match this afternoon, paraphrased:
    “Be watching for the incredible Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony – and that’s just the beginning!”

    Tell us something we don’t know.

  • Wissendorf says:

    A week on and we’re still hearing about the cricket. A 4yo toddler was raped in a NT indigenous community and the news about this horror petered out after 2 days. The public has a strange list of priorities. Public outrage over a GAME but hardly a word about topics of importance. Nearly everything written about the cricket has been opinion; there’s no new news. The media have been feeding off this nothing topic for a week. Opinionistas have been talking it up and down, and everyone from the PM down have had their 2 cents worth. I’m over it.

    It’s a f***ing GAME. It’s not important.

    • Guy Fawkes says:

      Excellent comment. Too much money in something that is supposed to be a game. Look at the states for example, basketball was invented for footballers to keep fit in the off season and look where that went.

    • Trivalve says:

      You’re quite right. But game or not, it clearly is important to a lot of people. Me included. It’s a very intriguing aspect of our society and most others around the world.

      • Milton says:

        Considering it is a (according to Jack) code 2 violation, with a penalty of 5 runs and a new ball, it seems reasonable that an appeal could be successful against the severity of the punishment.

    • JackSprat says:

      Hopefully it is a watershed Wiss.
      Not only for cricket but all Australian sport.
      We could start with tennis and the Behaviour TA puts up with.
      And yes _ the usless media that sets the tone for so many things in ths country should pull its head in.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        The “watershed” has already begun JS. It started with the mea culpa sessions and will continue when the bank statements are received and reviewed.

      • Wissendorf. says:

        Bad tempered brats are the reason I gave up watching tennis. I hope you’re right JackSprat. The dawning of a new era? I could hope.

    • Bella says:

      Amen to that Wiss.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      Whoa back! It is important, sports fans the world over are vicarious flakes who need to be fed emotionally, ever more intensely and continuously. Well OK I concede this much, to keep them distracted from the important things.
      Get with the programne Wissendorf!

      More beer and circuses for the masses! When do we want it? Louder!

      Having said that I have great empathy for the scapegoats. Tempered by disgust at their incompetence, next time use at least an 80 grit , and 500 wet and dry on t’other side.

      Nothing happening in the world chilluns.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhQVebHPq4c

      • Razor says:

        Welcome back old bean. How was the gulag?

      • Wissendorf says:

        Something about to happen in the world is the Harp Seal hunt. But it’s not getting any press either. I believe anyone not hunting is banned from the hunting areas.

        • Bella says:

          Same with the Grind in the Faroes mate.
          The blatant cruelty at both events is insane but no-one cares anymore so it’s not newsworthy.
          As a species humans are the lowest of the low.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        Someone said you were off sulking somwhere JB, Everything OK now me old mate?

        Btw, saw the link, what did you think of Aterukia Inhexlian’s comments? Is he/she/it on the ball or what??

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    TASSIE flyer Jacob Despard is the 2018 120m Stawell Gift champion, Mr Insider. The 21-year-old held off Hamish Adams and Gary Finegan to claim the big race today in a time of 12.111. The much awaited “meet” between heavyweight “sprinters” D J Trump and K Jong un never eventuated with both a no show!
    https://tinyurl.com/y93maex9

  • Carl on the Coast says:

    Three articles in today’s Oz caught my eye. the disintegration of China’s Tiangong-2 space laboratory, Graham Richardson’s assessment of the Coalition’s future and Simon Benson’s three-monthly Newspoll analysis . They all have a common thread and make a compelling trifecta.

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