Humble servant of the Nation

It ain’t Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, folks

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What’s the difference between South African, Indian, English and Australian cricket?

When a South African player, Faf du Plessis, gets nicked for ball tampering (twice) he is made captain. When Sachin Tendulkar does it he remains a demigod. England’s Mike Atherton became a few thousand quid poorer. In Australia we assemble an ugly mob who bay for the blood of our cricketers and get to work with the four-by-two and a packet of roofing nails.

These distinctions offer an unusual look at national identity. Put succinctly, Australians lost their minds and their judgment over a piece of tape, some pitch dirt and a cricket ball.

I’m not sure I would refer to what happened at Cape Town between 2.00pm and 2.42pm local time as cheating. It’s an unhelpful term given approximately 99 per cent of Australians don’t understand the vagaries of reverse swing and how a cricket ball tampered with or not may suddenly start swinging around corners or stubbornly refuse to shift one millimetre off its trajectory.

It was not cheating by any legal definition. Broadly speaking, common law defines cheating as a contrived act set to deny people of proprietary rights. In Australia, where criminal law refers to cheating, it usually falls into the category of obtaining financial benefit by an act of deception. In the UK, where laws for cheating on the sporting field were brought in recently and used in the prosecution of Pakistan cricketers, Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif, Smith and Co.’s actions would not, by definition, rouse the interest of the plod.

When madness abounds, it is sensible to return to some measure of sanity by using the terms the rules stipulate. It was a code violation grade two (of four with four being the most serious).

Full column here.

451 Comments

  • Trivalve says:

    Before we get too excited about zooplankton murder: https://www.appea.com.au/media_release/new-research-seismic-impact/

  • BASSMAN says:

    “It was not cheating by any legal definition”. GULP!
    Down at the pub they view it as cheating. Manly is cheating as well and has been fined $700k. Legal or not trying to get an unfair advantage over your opponent is cheating. Sledging is definitely cheating according to everyone I know down at the pub. Forget the legalise.

  • Bella says:

    Agreed HB & while I don’t profess to be any sort of cricket aficionado, it does seem to me that what’s happening now is a damn sight worse than the miniscule tampering ‘event’.
    I actually feel for the three of them especially the youngest guy who looks bloody shattered. FGS he didn’t commit murder or GBH did he?
    Whatever their punishment, when they return they will never get one ounce of respect from a public baying for blood for the term of their natural lives. So sad.

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      Agreed Bella, your average Joe Aussie is more concerned about paying the Mortgage or Rent and keeping their Jobs than listening to childish waffle over a Cricket Game. Cheers P.S. looking forward to PM Turnbull big “30” Newspoll shortly after Easter we are planning a small party to celebrate

  • Failed Comic says:

    I was flabbergasted to read the yet to be interviewed “Members of the touring party were shocked to see their vice-captain drinking champagne at the team hotel on Monday”. Now that see the ball, hit the ball Warner is having an unscheduled sabbatical he will have plenty of time to get up close and dirty with his beloved Candy and focus where the line is really located.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Steve Smith and David Warner have been banned from playing for Australia for 12 months as a result of Cricket Australia’s investigation into the ball-tampering incident, the ABC’s chief cricket commentator Jim Maxwell understands. LG decides not to renew Dave Warner Sponsorship. Its getting murkier Mr Insider.
    https://tinyurl.com/y99y76up

  • Carl on the Coast says:

    The mindset of the Australian cricket administrators (and others) and their response to the miscreants who are said to have caused the present cricket brouhaha is not too dissimilar to the medieval mindset of the British judges and their response to miscreants some 230 years ago.

    The former were transported quick smart and had their livelihoods disrupted for tampering with a leather ball, while the latter were transported and had their livelihoods overturned for tampering with a loaf of bread.

    Yes, there appears to be a general truth in the old aphorism – “The more things change the more they stay the same”.

    • Heres Humphrey says:

      One of my relatives was transported to the colonies for the charge “waxing his carrot” very similar to “tampering with a loaf”.

  • EinFielder says:

    Numerous sports writers have mentioned how modern sports people are often incapable of seeing beyond actions to consequences. That being the case, what better way than the imposition of a severe penalty to reinforce the consequences of crossing the line.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    The Press here in Australia have beat this up big time, Mr Insider, to the point I feel we are all bloody sick of hearing about this, as you say “a code violation grade two” possibly at best. Lets get on and give the paying Public what they want to see and that’s a good game of Cricket. I think I heard the late great Richie Benaud roll over in his grave!

    • Bella says:

      Agreed HB & while I don’t profess to be any sort of cricket aficionado, it does seem to me that what’s happening now is a damn sight worse than the miniscule tampering ‘event’.
      I actually feel for the three of them especially the youngest guy who looks bloody shattered. FGS he didn’t commit murder or GBH did he?
      Whatever their punishment, when they return they will never get one ounce of respect from a public baying for blood for the term of their natural lives. So sad.

      • Bella says:

        No idea how this got posted twice. Sorry JTI. 😍

      • Boadicea says:

        I think you could be wrong on that, Bella. They were booed out of South Africa, who were after blood – but I think they will find the Australians do not give them such a rough time. Smith and Bancroft anyway – I’m not sure there is much respect left for Warner, brilliant as he is with the bat. At the moment the country is stunned that this should have come to this I think.

    • Trivalve says:

      What the public wants to see (they’re not all paying) is a public hanging, or flogging at least. I continue to contrast this to what happened to Faf after his second offence. The media has gone nuts.

      Oh, and this morning I hear that James Sutherland ‘understands’ that players keep sandpaper in their kits to maintain their bats. Understands? I would think that the CEO of CA would have known that for years. Although these days you throw the bat away after every innings don’t you?

  • The Outsider says:

    Jack, I liked this quip: “South African immigration minister offers fast-tracked protection visas to 11 Australians facing imminent danger of persecution in their home country.”

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