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Bill Shorten the political contortionist

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Let’s face it, Bill Shorten is the only reason Coalition MPs still get out of bed every morning. Without him, they’d be stuck in the foetal position, rocking gently from side to the side, sucking their thumbs.

If we thought the Turnbull government was a broken husk of a government, we’d be right but in the past six months with the intensity building feverishly over the last fortnight, Bill Shorten has reminded us all that Labor, too, is a shambles, caught in a web of its own making.

A brief history of Shorten’s position on the $16.5 billion Adani mine in North Queensland reveals he’s done more revolutions than Che Guevara. Six months ago Shorten gave the mine the thumbs up. Then he dragged out the party line that he supported the Adani mine provided it “stacked up economically and environmentally.” That was two weeks ago. After a whirlwind trip of the Great Barrier Reef, courtesy of the Australian Conservation Foundation, Shorten had a trademark change of heart, followed by another. Last week he threatened to put the kibosh on the mine entirely. This week he says he no longer supports the mine but will reluctantly let it go ahead.

I’m getting vertigo just thinking about it.

Full column here.

485 Comments

  • Dismayed says:

    The coalition government you know the dolts in charge not the opposition have been shown up again. Their taylor made NEG is a dud. It does not address the biggest problems of outages which come from Transmission networks. Having said that it is designed to support the coal generators who cannot keep their units running we are now at 44 breakdowns this summer from coal fired power plants. Scrutiny on the opposition while distracting from the worst government in history looks more and more like a concerted effort to distract. Bring on the Drovers dog.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUy3beI2Ic0
    http://reneweconomy.com.au/biggest-joke-about-neg-it-addresses-just-2-seconds-of-outages-54403/

    • Milton says:

      what’s your solution then? what party should I vote for? I wanna be a progressive, hypocrite like you. then we can stfu any con, or anyone else who doesn’t agree with the politically green, correct, Palestine, or trendy, dumbed down line.
      ps. stick with cut and paste, girlfriend.

      • Jean Baptiste says:

        So you didn’t turn out to be the hot Roman candle your educators led you to believe you were. The soft soaping bastards.
        You’re lashing out Milton, projecting your anger onto the other. Chill out man, the universe doesn’t care if you didn’t live up to what you thought was your potential, your manifest destiny.
        But you are special in your own way, you are a child of the universe, you have a right to be here.
        Dammit!

        • Razor says:

          There’s anger in this blog my Cuban (Juan) smoking friend. It ain’t from Monsignor Milton though.

          • Milton says:

            I agree, Razor and it is almost palpable. I think it stems from impotent frustration, borne from ignorance and inadequacy.
            ps. I gave de Koch a bit of a workout the other night!!!

          • Milton says:

            Razor – did you know that “booze masks anger’? You’d think they’d hand it out in prisons and other tense places, and put a stop to the shut downs in pubs and clubs. I’ve been forming the view, Razor that if old mate confined himself to commenting on matters that he had just a pinch of knowledge on then he’d have more time to tidy his bedroom, do his homework and still have enough leftover to give himself heaps!

  • Gryzly says:

    If I can take anything from this thread and the previous thread it is that Bill & Barnaby perfectly fit the “ideal” mold for politicians in the current age. If they continue to struggle on the Australian stage, I suggest they apply to,

    President Dennison
    c/ 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
    Washington, D.C.

    I hear that there are many positions unfilled even though everyone wants a piece of the office. Not much talent required but access to a lawyer essential.

    • jack says:

      yep, one of the criticisms of Trump is the large number of unfilled government positions, but you know, the world doesn’t seem to have ended because those jobs are empty, which makes me wonder just how vital some of them are.

      Personally, I think maybe about a third of admin jobs are job creation, not real jobs at all.

  • Carl on the Coast says:

    JTI – Jack, I agree with you that Bill Shorten would be a walk up start at Ringling Bros or Barnum & Bailey’s. But just as an aside, and as you’ve implied that the Coalition members may act out the characteristic motions similar to that of an infant if Bill wasn’t around, I’d like to make a minor observation.

    Those on the Treasury benches may well rock from side to side, but I’ve got it on good authority, that whilst infants may occasionally shake their heads in a similar movement which is a sign they’re teething (and which may also explain the coalition’s performance), babies mostly rock backwards and forwards.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Bill Shorten the “Working Class Man” with thanks to the fabulous Jimmy Barnes.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdC9WtbEpWE

  • Milton says:

    Shorten is obviously informed, in a perverse way, by the Keynesian “when the facts change, I change my mind”. For Bill the fact is this group would like to hear this and that group something different. Though rose coloured glasses he could be considered a pragmatist.
    A pragmatist would no doubt tell his hot mistress that of course he will leave his wife for her but it’s just not a good time right now and until then here’s a shiny trinket.
    Personally I think Shorten is robin batman. mmmm……….

  • jack says:

    Labor used to be able to accomodate the inner city environmentalists and still win the working men and women living in the suburbs, but then the enviros were inside the tent, as LBJ would put it, and now they are mainly outside, with all the extra moisture that entails.

    • Penny says:

      You’ve got to admit though Jack, that is kind of nice watching it from afar.

      • jack says:

        Penny, especially enjoying watching the show in Batman.

        Our host and I both know the Kearney family, and not just because they were publicans from Richmond, and I knew the Greens candidate in university days, always thought she would end up a Lib.

  • Dismayed says:

    I thought the other day it must have been time for the 3 monthly anti labor article. The recent material has been way to down the centre. Adani Carmichael mine is a scam. Labor have said from the outset if it does not stack economically it should not go ahead. they have stated from the outset that no loan should be given. 1400 jobs for a $ a billion dollars just to start, you have got to be FN kidding. the coalition destroyed an entire Automotive industry 60,000 jobs and counting because they wanted to get rid of collective bargaining and not invest $250 million a year in an industry that was adding $20 billion a year to the economy. Note the drop in exports? No cars going out of the country. JTI you have joined turnbull in trying to deflect from the worst government in Australia’s history. Bring on the Drover’s dog.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUy3beI2Ic0

    • Bella says:

      Exactly mate, the Carmichael mine is a nonsense.
      I think Shorten has made up his mind but he’s not the PM so it’s on Turncoat who can stop Adani now but he’d have to man-up & cease being a shill for dirty coal. Better to Kill Bill than risk his own job.

      Can’t see any media putting the same pressure on his majesty to fess up to Greg Hunt’s clearly dodgy approvals process of 36 of the ‘strictest’ environmental conditions in Australia’s history. Yeah right. Sure.
      BTW Adani notoriously refuses to clean up their own damage & they’ve also submitted a falsified environmental report on the contamination of sensitive Qld wetlands.
      The bottom line is that 27 international & domestic banks & financial institutions refuse to fund Adani, citing unacceptable risks.
      At least Shorten says he’s “not a fan because it doesn’t stack up”.

      About time Truffles was put under the microscope on why he wants to destroy our ground water & our Reef for no more than 1400 jobs.

      • Lou oTOD says:

        Youre right Bella, Shorten has made up his mind. Tidy fellow, he makes it up every day, in different ways. He’s made so many turns you’d need a GPS to keep track.

    • jack says:

      good lord, keep up man, our host gives everyone a whack far more often than that.

      • Penny says:

        Yes but he’s had more to play with lately with the material the LNP keep handing him, Bill Shorten just isn’t exciting enough to write about…..yet

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      Top comment Dismayed.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        Aah …. c’mon JB, he’s not only prone to hissy fits, but he obviously suffers from the “worst’ glass jaw syndrome in “Australia’s history”. It’ll be “no surprises” if he spits the dummy, no “FN kidding “. Bring on the miniature Chihuahua.

        • Jean Baptiste says:

          He is actually lucid and well informed, energetic with a social conscious. Top fellow, I wish there were a lot more like him.
          I understand perfectly why he would be a perturbation to you lot. And long may he continue to be so.

    • Boadicea says:

      Welcome to the dogbox, JTI !

    • Carl on the Coast says:

      Re the car industry, you forgot to mention the bit about the industry building too many vehicles Aussies didn’t want, foreign cars flooding the market, cheaper and better equipped models, low to zero import tariffs, inability to compete with overseas labour costs and free trade agreements.

    • Razor says:

      Conspiracy central. The only place to be. Fairly insulting to our host considering you are essentially saying he is some sort of right wing puppet for Murdoch. I might change your name from Eddie to Rhino because you sure have a thick hide. You should know better to JB. I enjoy your comments and actually have respect for you unlike that other hypocritical idiot.

      Bella? Mine aside do you also think JTI is part of some conspiracy?

      • Dr. Penny says:

        How on earth did you read that JTI is essentially some sort of right wing puppet for Murdoch into that post? Sheesh….!!

        • Razor says:

          He inferred there is some preordained schedule for anti-labor articles. Clearly, due to his previous comments regarding the Australian, he considers there is some sort of requirement from the Australian for JTI to write certain articles. Quite logical thought for a doctor you might easily see that.

    • Lou oTOD says:

      Once every three months? That’s hardly balanced Plutonius is it?

      BTW, how are you going with Bill’s promise for extra funding for the Catholic schools, given your scorn on private school funding?

    • Wissendorf says:

      The largest decline in automobile output since 2000, was under Labor. The peak was in 2005 when 388,000 vehicles were built. In 2007, with Labor in office, 334,000, up from the previous year, but still declining. When Labor left office, in 2014, only 174,000 vehicles were built, 164,000 fewer than when they took office. It wasn’t the policies of either side of Government. The consumer killed them off. Ford and GM built overweight, fuel guzzling 6 cylinder bohemoths that no-one wanted. Most of Holden and Ford’s local products were going into Government and commercial fleets. Holden were practically giving taxi packs away. All the jobs lost are now being done by robots in China.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automotive_industry_in_Australia

      Say the Government (using our dough) put up the $250M. The last figure on the graph is 167,000 for 2015. That’s $1,497 of taxpayer money, in every car, and they make a car in 4 minutes. Both Ford and GM are technically bankrupt and have been since 2008. I’m sure their administrators really appreciate our largesse.

      $20B / 167,000 = $119,760. That’s what each manufactured unit would have to sell for to acheive $20B. A hundred and twenty large for an Aussie car? Tell ’em they’re dreamin’.

      I was at the end of my apprenticeship at Leyland when they hit the canvas. I saw the place collapse from the inside. I was a tradesman for a month when they closed forever. No subsidies back then, and they went the same way, but more quickly. And for the same reason. They built scum-ugly, crapbag products that no-one wanted. Every time I see the Simpson’s episode where Homer designs a car for his long lost brother, I think of the P-76.

      • Carl on the Coast says:

        A great post, historically and factually spot on. No surprises it’ll be completely lost on you know who.

      • BASSMAN says:

        You forgot about the Global Financial Crisis….wouldn’t that have something to do with people not
        forking out their readies for new wheels?

        • Mack the Knife says:

          No Bassman, GM & Ford just ignored the market. Biggest selling cars in Australia for some years now, SUV’s. Family saloons just don’t do it anymore, everyone, except me, wants an SUV….Yuk.

          • Boadicea says:

            Most dangerous things on wheels is an SUV at school pickup time, MtK.
            Speaking of wheels it took me 40 minutes to do what normally takes 5 minutes at 4pm last Thursday. Hobart completely gridlocked from all directions. Rapid expansion, inadequate infrastructure.
            I’m investigating adding an electric option to my mountain bike. It will be my car.

          • Wissendorf says:

            I don’t want one either. More SUV’s have accidents than any other style. Unstable in wind, directionally poor in the wet, heavy on fuel, parts cost a bomb and murder on tyres. Makers are selling a ‘freedom dream’ not a practical daily drive.

        • Wissendorf says:

          Fine question. I had a quick look at the ABS site but it will need some digging to find the figures, as only the figures for the current FY are easily available. I’ll post when I find them. I was selling reconstructed cars in the used car market during the GFC, and on memory alone, no Brisbane new car dealers hit the canvas. Some used car yards closed, but I can’t recall a new car dealership going down, though some were badly damaged. Metro Ford (Spring Hill) and Bryan Byrt Ford at Mt Gravatt (you’d know the names if you’re in Brisbane) never recovered and I think they both closed in 2012, though a closing dealership wouldn’t particularly dent sales by brand. The figures in the graph suggest there was no recovery after 2010 and sales continued to fall. The best comparison will be sales of imported cars during the period 2008 to 2010. If they didn’t tank, it’s down to the consumer shunning Australian made.

      • Penny says:

        Wiss, every time I think of the P-76, I think of the Coodabeen Champions. Sorry you have to be Victorian to understand that…

        • BASSMAN says:

          One of the few cars U can fit a 44gallon drum into…a P-76

          • Wissendorf says:

            You could fit 2 44’s in the station wagon and still have room for a few cartons. The wagon never went into production, with only 3 made before England cancelled the project. It was a huge vehicle, about the size of a Rambler Matador wagon. Only one car survived and it was used as a knockabout at the factory and sold when the plant closed. It is still out there somewhere. There was also a 2 door coupe (designated the F86) and about 50 were made. Looked and sounded like a Dodge Charger. The basic engine was a longitudinally mounted worked six from the Tasman/Kimberley X series, or an optional 4.4 litre V8 Rover engine designed by Buick. About 10 (V8s) were sold after the factory closed and I think the rest (all 6’s) were scrapped.

        • Wissendorf says:

          LOL. It was a standard joke at the factory that the P-76 would have been a great car, if it had a new engine, driveline, body design and interior.

          • BASSMAN says:

            Every MIni I had (3) burnt oil after about 18,000 miles but worse were ALWAYS blowing the seal that leaked oil over the clutch plate….very poor design. The car was not thrashed and always did nice long trips in the bush.

            • Wissendorf says:

              Oil smoke huh? Common problem with certain Leyland engines and the Morris Mini, Austin 1100, and Austin 1800 all suffered from it. It plagued other models going back to the days of BMC and British Leyland; venerable carriages like the Morris Major and the Minor 1000, the stately Wolesly. and most of the Triumph range. To speed production many of these cars were ‘flat-packed’ here from England. The engines were ‘parent bore’ engines, The cylinder didn’t have a sleeve, but was coated with a wear resistant coating called Nikasil. It’s a bit like teflon. It was supposed to be replaced after 20,000 miles. It seldom was, and once it broke down, the bore itself was getting worn down. Leyland, to save a few bucks, sacrificed quality and reliabilty and compromised their reputation.

          • Razor says:

            Now there’s memories! Mate of mine had a P76. Bloody ugly but we sure had some fun in it.

            • Razor says:

              First car a mini Bassy. The leather strap that held the gearbox up broke one day and my clutch peddle nearly went through the floor!

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Bill Shorten has “more positions than the Karma Sutra”, whoops I have beaten the Coalition with that line stolen from your column Mr Insider. Imho sadly the way it’s going he will be PM come next Federal Election, no one, simply no one is listening to Turnbull or his sad shattered government. The ABC’s Leigh Sales might just as well interview a tub of molasses as interview Turnbull. Turnbull can only do an “Edward Smith” and grimfaced grip the wheel of the “SS Liberal” as she slips beneath the “icy electoral sea”. Goodbye Malcolm and hello Bill, for Australia’s sake lets hope hes up to the job!

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      No chance of Turnbull losing the next election Henry.
      The media will murder Bill in the lead up. The voters have the attention span of fruit flies . That’s how it works.
      I must congratulate you on your startling metaphors and fabulous imagery.
      I dream of the day when you get the hump with the Queen of England and Australia.

  • Tracy says:

    He’s so desperate and he’s just stuffed three, maybe four seats in Qld for the sake of a seat they may not win.
    Would you buy a used car off this man?………wouldn’t set foot in the car yard.
    I still think Rudd is going to do a demolition job on him in vol II of the memoirs, he’s made hate an art form

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      I myself would never buy a used car from Shorten, Tracy, goodness he reminds me of John L Sullivan years ago on the Parramatta Golden Mile, sawdust in the diffs and 2 cars welded together! Cheers

  • Dwight says:

    If Bill twisted himself anymore, he could meet himself coming around a corner. But, after the Batman election, we still talk to the O’Connor brothers and they will tell him that yes, Adani was always supported by the ALP.

    • Penny says:

      Great work JTI. My memory of past Labor leaders is that they at least had strong positions on issues that meant something to their party followers and often to the Australian public at large. I still remember (and I wasn’ In the country at the time, someone sent it to me) him saying something like “I don’t know what she said, but I support whatever it was she said”. He is so incredibly uninspiring. However with all the trouble in Victoria, Daniel Andrews another uninspiring one, is still winning the polls and looks like he’ll win the next election. So maybe Bill just needs to sit back and not say anything at all.

      I only ever see glimpses of him and even when Iam in Australia, I tend not to watch either young Bill or MT if I can possibly help it. There must be someone more capable of great leadership from both sides.

      Off topic, the front page of The Australian very interesting this morning, I wonder why Alex Turnbull ‘s experience with Goldman Sachs has reared its head now? Could it be that the US is about to act on the Malaysian PM’s kleptocracy charges? Not sure Najib is going to feel really comfortable in Sydney at the next Asian leaders meeting.

      • Dismayed says:

        The Labor party lost Lindsay Tanner and Greg Combet either would have been excellent leaders. ( Tanner has since let himself down by taking the top job at Essendon )

        • Jack The Insider says:

          He’s done a pretty decent job of it at Essendon. I thought the club was in deep trouble and may have to take the keys down to the AFL. The fact the Bombers are still trading is remarkable enough given the liabilities they were and will face over the doping scandal.

          • Dismayed says:

            JTI yes, the Tanner comment was somewhat tongue in cheek as a football fan. Or anti Essendon football fan. Not long now to the first bounce. Lots of young blokes have progressed. Keep an eye out for this lad over the next couple of years has a bit grunt in him. Note the number they gave him. the most over rated, albeit tough at the footy half back flanker used to wear it for the crows. someone must think highly of this kid
            http://www.afc.com.au/player-profile/darcy-fogarty

          • jack says:

            He certainly has done an outstanding job there, put exactly the right man in as coach as well.

            Like you i thought they might be doomed, but I believe he has managed to reach settlement on most of the legal liabilities and still they seem to be on the up.

            I find myself in agreement with Dismayed, Lindsay would have made a very very good leader, not such a big fan of Combet.

            He was a future political star right back in university days, had to beat off Julia Gillard in a pre-selection battle for Melbourne when Gerry Hand retired.

            There was a lot of talent around Labor at that time.

            • Jack The Insider says:

              Got jack of the Sussex Street b/s is my reading of hiscretirement. Walked in 2010. They have lost a lot of talent.

            • Penny says:

              Word I get from the inside Jack is that both Tanner and of course the coach have made a huge difference. A few unpopular management personnel have been moved on and it’s all looking good. I am concerned about Bomber Thompson’s mental well-being though and am curious to see what happens next to James Hird

        • Dr. Penny says:

          No he didn’t let himself down Dismayed. He’s done a great job at Essendon and the morale within the club is amazing. You can comment on anything you like and rarely get me to bite ( unlike others) but don’t knock my football team 🙂

          • Dismayed says:

            Any club that runs experiments on young people and then tries to cover it up should not be in the AFL. The players also are stupid for going along with it. golden boy Hird as the instigator should be banned for life from all sports related roles.

            • Penny says:

              You do need to know the full story Dismayed. Sorry but this has al been hashed and rehashed (no pun intended) and people need to move on. I was very unsympathetic towards Hird, until I learned a few details that would never and will never see the light of day because the AFL don’t want them to. As an Essendon supporter of many years, I am heartened to see supporters from many other clubs also thinking that the AFL did not come out of this well. I don’t particularly care what you think what you think about Essendon or James Hird Dismayed to be honest. From where I stand watching the latest attempts to make the game more appealing have been woeful. The skills that make Australian Rules are slowly being rubbed out and it’s almost becoming unwatchable….but hey what would I know, I’m just a clapped out old Baby Boomer 😐

              • Dismayed says:

                Dr Penny maybe you should get some peptides if you are so clapped out? As a football supporter I agree the game is almost unrecognisable.

        • Razor says:

          They still have Andrew Leigh dismal. He’s enough to make any coalition supporter worry. Depending on how he goes I could even vote for him. Smart young man.

          Combet was also out of the box. Tanner too far left for mine but did seem decent enough. About the last politician to show his mettle when he resigned over Gillard.

        • Razor says:

          Dismayed,
          Do you see how this blog can be? From Dwight’s comment on there was a hell of a lot of disagreement but no insults. Even some common ground. I’ll put the sword in the scabbard if all of us can have robust yet intelligent conversation. There’s the olive branch. Your call…..

          • Jack The Insider says:

            I’ve been deleting abusive personal comments with regularity for the last two weeks. Don’t need ’em. Won’t have ’em. Come April 11 I’ll be in hospital for around two weeks and the blog will close down over that time at least. A little reminder, I don’t do this for fame and fortune so it would help if everyone restricted their comments to rational argument and avoid the personal stuff. It is rather sad to see these comments in the pile. I’m sure those responsible could do better.

    • Dwight says:

      he will, not we still. Damn fingers!

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      I am tipping Ged Kearney to win this By Election for Labor, Dwight, the Greens 26 years now a party but still not resonating with Aussies although they do well in Inner City seats like Batman. Cheers

      • Boadicea says:

        If the Greens do well in inner city seats like Batman, do you not think they will win Batman, HB? Your comment has got me confused!

        • Jean Baptiste says:

          Depends on your interpretation of “doing well.”
          It is possible I posit that you were confused before consulting Henry’s post. Henry’s posts do sometimes have the effect of illuminating an unacknowledged pre existing condition.

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