Humble servant of the Nation

Cupboard boy descends to the toilet

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We all do it when we have a spare moment. Bang our names into Google’s search engine and see what comes up.

Julian Assange, who has a bit of time on his hands these days, did this yesterday and is miffed that I referred to him as Wikileaks’ Cupboard Boy in an article I penned last year.

Assange shunned the primary rule of Twitter — never tweet angry — and took to it with fingers twitching maniacally, complaining he was not only not Cupboard Boy but at 188 cm (6’2”), he is a hulking Gargantua.

Why, in another life, he could have got a game for the Washington Generals against their bêtes noires, the Harlem Globetrotters. “Quick, turn around Julian. They’re using a ladder.”

The Cupboard Boy moniker was a joke. In reality Assange lives in a single room; part office, part bathroom which had been used previously by the embassy’s female employees. Neither is he pale to the point of albinism from his years out of the sun as I also suggested. He uses a sun lamp.

Full column here.

92 Comments

  • Bella says:

    I think Assange is likely a narcissist but he’s also got a brilliant mind.
    He’s been thoroughly vilified for Wikileaks daring to expose America’s murder and torture of innocent civilians & that took some guts.
    If you don’t believe that holding the powerful to account is important journalism then his courage will surely escape you.
    I firmly suspect the sexual assault charges are all about the bigger picture for the US to get him extradited so they can ‘manage’ him behind bars for the rest of his short life.

    • Lou oTOD says:

      Seems Jules’ brilliant mind and courage has escaped the man himself Bella. Stuck in the toilet with no possible way of escape. God that’s brilliant. He doesn’t have the guts to walk out the front door and wear the consequences.

      • Tracy says:

        He prefers others to take the hit for him Lou, bet Putin has some rather spectacular skeletons in his closet but of course Wikileaks never passes that on.
        Best to hold some to account but not others.

    • Razor says:

      Is that like the murder and torture of the people providing information in Afghanistan whom his leaks exposed Bella? Or is that a different type of murder and torture because those people supported the West?

      • Bella says:

        Wikileaks reported on an atrocity, a war crime, where 18 civilians were gunned down from a helicopter in Iraq.
        He presented the facts yet they want him dead.
        Why is it that people spend so much time criticizing activists but fall over themselves to protect the criminals behind these crimes?
        Oppressing the truth doesn’t make it any less true Razor.

        • Razor says:

          The need to protect people who provide information is paramount Bella. If Assange is a whistleblower then so are the people he killed.

          • Bella says:

            He didn’t kill anyone Razor.
            The US makes the same unproven argument every time there’s an embarrassing leak.
            The reality is that civilian lives in the ME don’t count for much in this war. Don’t expect the US will ever be upfront about the true number of innocent lives lost thus far.

        • Dismayed says:

          Bella, they are sheeple, born of fear, raised on fear, living in fear and don’t want to have to THINK in case they have to actually question their own beliefs. To acquiesce and remain obedient is easier and allows them to fit in and judge everyone who dare think or consider others.

  • Razor says:

    JTI,
    Would Julian be a folder or a scruncher? He’d have lots of time to ponder the efficacy of both methods. Perhaps he could put together a thesis on the subject. I personally am a scruncher therefore a folding denier.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    In my lifetime, Mr Insider, I have never seen anyone doing what Big Jules is doing, hiding out in an Embassy. He needs so summon up some “pluck” and make a dash for it hoping the English Cops outside don’t crash tackle him. “Balls to the wind Julian”, if you have any balls that is! Maybe the Ecuadorian Embassy might tire of him, Mr Insider, and pop him out on the footpath with the weekly garbage!

  • Boadicea says:

    Can we put him onto our issue with bloodlines here?

  • Milton says:

    For the record, I’ve never typed my name into google. It would only confirm what I know and bring tears. Though i’m tempted now!

    • Dwight says:

      Go for it Milton, ego surfing can be interesting. Last time I did it was a class demonstration to remind students that he internet is forever. Found an article I posted to an online magazine 20 years ago about using Word–version 1 or 2.

    • Trabvitch says:

      I did it for you Milton, and according to Google you are a town on the South Coast of NSW. A damn smart non-sapient entity in that case.

  • Huger Unson says:

    A fitting crown to the saga would be to have Ryan Gosling play Assange in the movie.
    (I am conscious that action may be taken over a comment, so will decline to punt anyone to play his mum.)

  • Dwight says:

    Assange is one of those people who wants to break laws and face no consequences. If you believe in what you do, you should be willing to go to jail for. Until then he’s just a narcissist who imbibed anti-Americanism with his mother’s milk, and a fugitive from justice. If he had the courage of his convictions, he would trust in a jury of his peers. There is no statute of limitations on bail jumping–or espionage. He either surrenders or becomes the longest self-imprisoned man in history.

    • Wissendorf says:

      Last thread – Statue destroying Talibani

      LOL Dwight. Happy to inform, ‘Larry’ still standing, though thieves have nicked his tool. Great time w fly for trout along Oconto and busy bass at Trump Lake. Saw Sheriff’s cruiser in town with something like a yabby claw hanging off the fender. I have no idea what it was but it looked deadly. Any clue? Guy at Krist gaso told me should not sleep in back of pickup. Bears. Haven’t seen any so maybe having a lend. Bought a PBall ticket there when I saw size of prize. Great area, much to do. Wanting to learn more about mining in Wi, drove out to Minertown. Just saw it on map. LOL. Didn’t learn much about mining.

      JtI Last clash Blues bowled Swans over so going Blues again this wk. Top game last wk. Had $100 with UBet at $6. Was more confident tipping Blues than tipping Cats. Cats keep winning but always from behind. Cats VERY slim for GF. Radio call said Casboult going to Tiges as free agnt nxt yr? Waaa? Also suggested Swans n Crows may play off in earlier final and not meet in GF. Thoughts for finalists? I think only #8 in doubt. I’m tipping Bris over NMFC this wk. Lions have been playing better n don’t deserve the Spoon. ‘Boners fell right off the truck this yr. Ahem – if yr treatment is successful, will you be Jack the Intruda? ( sorry :(, couldn’t resist that) Getting cow valve now instead of pig valve. Early November in PA Hosp. Worried about superbugs.. Glad cricket impasse solved.

      BASSMAN – Souths still NRL wrecking ball. My bet – Maguire to Titans nxt yr. Sacking Henry was crap. Should have pushed Haine off plank.

      • Dwight says:

        Thanks mate. You’ve got me smiling with the idea of you prowling around my old stomping grounds. No clue about the claw. Wasn’t in town long enough last year to catch up with the local constabulary!
        No, Ursus americanus is an actual problem. They like to forage, so when camping we’d suspend the food from a rope over a high tree limb, to keep them out of camp. They are shy, but curious.

      • BASSMAN says:

        Most of Souths best players are scoring tries for other teams. Christ knows why they let their best players go! Madge won’t go to the Titans.

  • Milton says:

    Our Julian needs to get out more.

  • Tracy says:

    Oh that is so funny, you’re a cruel man Jack but funny.
    Guess it would be frustrating to be a legend in your own lunchtime with only Pamela Anderson to bring round the burgers.

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